A Song in Silence
by Anath Tsurugi
Summary: When Metatron casts the angels out of Heaven , it is not a rogue reaper that comes after Cas, but a siren. (DCBB 2016, Warnings: rape)
1. Song of the Siren

(A/N) Well, here it is. My first ever DeanCas Big Bang fic. Fun was had in the writing and stephmendes did some AMAZING artwork for the story. This story picks up at the beginning of season 9 during 'I'm No Angel' and quickly goes canon divergent. I marked the story as having rape just to be on the safe side, but it seems to me more like the gray area of dubcon, seeing as how it's a siren story, and we all know how that shit works. However it strikes you, I surely hope you enjoy.

Link to Steph's art: stephmendes .tumblr post/152260989330/ illustrations-inspired-on-a-song-in-silence-by

 **A Song in Silence**

 _Chapter 1: Song of the Siren_

Bartholomew shuddered as he watched Maurice leave the church, only barely having managed to keep his disgust concealed during their meeting. He truly detested having to work with these rogues, but, with order basically upside down and Castiel still on the loose and off the grid, there was very little choice remaining.

"You might have more choice than you think," a familiar voice announced, and when the angel looked up to see its owner entering the church, he understood why.

"Castiel?" he whispered in mild shock. There was no way it was that easy.

"Hey, there, Bart," the person he thought to be Castiel greeted him with a leer that had no right to be anywhere near a face as solemn as the renegade angel's normally was.

"What are you?" Bartholomew asked, suddenly realizing this creature was neither human nor angel.

"That doesn't matter, chief. I hear you've got a pretty hefty bounty out for one, Castiel. What matters is that I can get him for you in half the time any of these reapers could do it."

"How?" the angel demanded, glaring at the Castiel-that-was-not through narrowed eyes.

"Like this," he answered, grinning as his body shifted form. Within moments, instead of Castiel it was Dean Winchester standing before him.

"Siren," the angel said quietly once the realization hit.

"You got it," the creature said, its voice a perfect imitation of the elder Winchester's cocksure tone. "I know where he's heading, and for the right price, I can bring him to you. More than that, I can make him crawl straight to you. What do you say?"

Bartholomew shuddered with equal parts disgust and interest. Disgust at the idea of having to work with a creature such as this…and interest in seeing Castiel brought so low, certainly a fitting punishment for everything he'd done.

"All right, siren. I'm prepared to talk price with you. All you need to do is get to Castiel before the reapers do."

"No problem there," the creature said, its dark chuckle made all the more threatening for coming from Dean Winchester's mouth. "Little Cas is gonna be the easiest hunt I've had in a _while._ "

XxX

Castiel, former angel of the lord, leaned heavily against a brick wall after he'd ducked into an alley. The injury from his last angel battle was paining him more than it had before and now, even though he was warded from his brothers' sight, he had no way of obtaining anything to eat and no shelter from what looked like a storm coming in. Not for the first time during his ordeal, he found himself asking how Sam and Dean did it.

Being human looked so easy when you weren't the one caught up in it, didn't have to see to the constant needs of a frail human body. Now that he had no means of filling it, he could feel his stomach begin to growl in earnest. Hunger wouldn't _kill_ him just yet, but when combined with the pain of the blade wound, it was fast becoming an unbearable situation. He was really starting to wonder if he was ever going to make it to the bunker alive.

 _Dean…I can't do this alone. I'm not strong enough. I wish you were here…wish you were with me. I wish…_

Then, almost as if his prayer had conjured him, Cas found himself gazing into concerned green eyes.

"Cas!" Dean cried out in relief.

"Dean?" he whispered in shock, reaching out a hand to touch the hunter's face without thinking. "How…how did you find me?"

"Been trackin' you, man. You haven't exactly been quiet since you left Colorado. I've been all over this damn town lookin' for you," he said, and Cas couldn't deny the flutter in his all too human heart when Dean smiled at him. Once again suffering from a deplorable lack of forethought, the former angel suddenly found himself throwing his arms around Dean, burying his face in his chest and clinging to him like he was the last solid thing in the world.

"It's so good to see you, Dean," he said, voice muffled against the hunter's chest.

"Hey, hey now. It's okay," Dean said, and instead of pushing him away as Cas had half-expected, he wrapped his own arms around him. "It's over now. I'm here. You're fine."

For several moments, Cas just rested in the circle of the other man's arms, leaning against him and breathing in his familiar scent. He had longed for Dean to hold him for so many years now and too much had happened these last few days to question… _why now?_

"Hey, Cas? You still with me?" he faintly heard Dean asking him.

"Yes. I'm sorry," he mumbled. He hadn't realized just how exhausted he was until that moment. In fact, he wasn't certain how much longer he'd be able to stay on his feet. "Did you say something?"

"Jesus, Cas. You're dead on your feet. Let's get you to a bed," Dean said, chuckling easily as he pulled Cas out of the alley. As he led him through the streets, Dean seemed to make a point of keeping a hold of his hand.

"What…how's Sam doing?" he asked, following Dean without question. Through his haze of sudden exhaustion, all he could really focus on was the intense tingling sensation he felt where his fingers were intertwined with Dean's. He'd experienced physical sensation at Dean's touch before, but only now was he realizing just how pale those sensations were in comparison with actual human feeling. This sensation…it was already threatening to overwhelm him in his weakened state.

"Oh, he's fine. Zeke took care of things. Sammy's back at the bunker with Kevin. Don't you worry about anything else right now. What you need is a good night's sleep, maybe get some decent food in you."

"I am…relieved," Cas said slowly as he stumbled along behind Dean. "At least one thing has gone right."

"Yeah. Small favors," Dean said absently.

With his intense focus on the way their hands were joined together, Cas couldn't help but notice when Dean ran a thumb along his palm, sending a small current of electricity through his body. Cas gasped sharply at the sensation.

"Somethin' wrong?" Dean asked him.

"No, just…how much farther is the Impala? I think I really may collapse. I'm…much more tired than I thought," he mumbled, rubbing at his eyes with his free hand to try and help himself stay awake.

"Just one more block. Keep it together, dude. I'm gonna get you home," he said, gripping his hand a little tighter.

"Home," Cas said softly. After everything that had happened, that sounded so wonderful. By the time he heard the sound of a car door opening, he was just about asleep on his feet.

"Come on, sleeping beauty. Let's at least get you sittin' down before you pass out," Dean coached as he helped him into the car, even buckling his seatbelt for him. Cas tried to say something in response, but it came out as a tired groan. He was too exhausted to notice or care that the car was not the Impala at all. By the time the car was moving out into traffic, he was completely dead to the world. Leering, the creature who wore Dean's face leaned over to run a hand along the former angel's inner thigh, stopping just short of the good part.

"Rest up good, angel baby. You and me are gonna have some fun tonight."

XxX

"You can kill me. It won't matter. If I don't find Castiel, there are others that will. It isn't just reapers after him anymore," Maurice spat in Dean's face.

"What are you talkin' about?" the hunter demanded, pressing the angel blade even more harshly against the reaper's throat. He was only an inch from killing the smug bastard.

"I hear things. Sounds like Bartholomew's even got…less savory creatures on the hunt for Heaven's most wanted."

"Like _what?_ " Sam pressed.

"Don't know if it's true…but I hear the angels have set a siren loose on your boy. Even if Castiel _can_ evade the reapers, there's no way he'll get away from a siren on the hunt. Just watch. Castiel will be led to Bartholomew on a leash."

"SHUT UP!" Dean screamed before violently driving the blade through the reaper's throat, instantly killing him. He barely took the time to pull the blade out before starting to pace the room.

"Dean," Sam started slowly, not completely sure how his brother was taking this news.

" _What?_ " Dean snapped at him.

"It might not be true. You heard him."

"That's not what pisses me off. Why would I care about that? It just makes me mad these sons of bitches are goin' after Cas at all."

"Dean…this will be much less painful for everyone if you acknowledge that you _do_ care."

"Sam," Dean started warningly. "I swear, if you go there-"

"Dean, I'm serious. How many times do the three of us have to die before we start being honest with each other?"

"So, what? One more trip down the rabbit hole and you're suddenly the love doctor?"

"You said it, not me," Sam pointed out.

"Y'know what? Fuck that shit, Sammy. We are not gonna play psychoanalyze the Winchester tonight. I'm gonna go find Cas. If you wanna keep pokin', you can stay here," Dean said before striding angrily away.

Sam hesitated only a moment before following. He would go on not pressing, as he'd done for the past five years, but he was really starting to wonder if his brother would be getting more psychoanalysis than he wanted before this was over.

XxX

When Cas finally began to stir, it was to find himself being laid down on a bed. Blinking his eyes open, he saw Dean moving away from him.

"Dean?"

Spinning around, Dean's face quickly lit up at seeing him awake. "Hey, Sleeping Beauty. Good nap?"

"Where…where are we?" he asked as he slowly sat up.

"Motel outside of Cedar Rapids. Didn't want you to have to sleep in the car if you were gonna keep on sleepin'."

"How long was I asleep?"

"About ten hours."

"That long?"

"Yeah. Musta been really wiped out there. I didn't know when you'd be wakin' up, so I went ahead and grabbed a little late night dinner," Dean said as he moved to the small table next to the door and picked up a bag. Cas' stomach growled painfully when he caught the scent of hamburger and french fries. Dean blinked several times upon hearing the noise. "Well…I was gonna ask if you were hungry, but that pretty much speaks for itself."

Cas felt a very heated blush spread across his face as he glanced away from Dean. "Yes. I'm sorry, I-"

"Hey, nothin' to apologize for. You're new at this. Go ahead. Pig out," Dean said, grabbing a burger from the bag before setting the rest of the food down down in front of Cas. The former angel eagerly dove into the paper bag, coming up with a burger. He barely remembered to take the wrapper off before taking a large bite of pickles, onion, cheese and beef. It didn't take him long to devour it. As he reached into the bag for a second burger, he glanced sheepishly over at Dean, who was sitting on the other side of the bed with his own burger, grinning as he munched on it slowly.

"Thank you."

"No problem. Hold still a sec, though. You got a little somethin'," he started, leaning forward to wipe a thumb across Cas' chin. Once again, Cas felt that same electric current where Dean's skin touched his. He shuddered briefly, fighting the urge to lean into the small touch.

"You okay?" Dean asked as he pulled his thumb away with a smear of ketchup on it. Cas couldn't deny the sudden stir he felt in his loins when Dean licked the small bit of red from his thumb.

"I'm fine," Cas answered, swallowing heavily as he turned his attention back to his food, which now seemed decidedly less interesting. It was a struggle not to look over at him when he slid his jacket off.

"You sure? You're lookin' pretty flushed over there," he said, reaching across to rest a hand on his forehead. "Don't think maybe you caught a cold sleepin' on the streets?"

"Dean, I'm fine, really," he said, suddenly feeling desperate. It took every ounce of control he possessed to pull away from the touch. Whether he was desperate to be closer to Dean or farther from him, he couldn't be sure. Hiding what he wanted was so much more difficult now that he was subject to the whims of his weak human body. It had been satisfied with food. Now it was hungry for something more.

"Don't suppose that cut on your shoulder could have anything to do with it, do you?" Dean pressed, staring pointedly at him as he shifted to his knees on the bed, gathering up the remains of their dinner.

"How did you-"

"I saw the blood when I was carryin' you in," Dean told him as he disposed of the trash, going for the duffel on the table and fishing out a first aid kit. All the while, Cas tried to shake off the image of Dean carrying him. "Now you're awake, we can get that patched up a little better. Wanna take the coat and shirt off?"

Cas' breath hitched slightly at this. He both did and did not want to remove his clothing in Dean's presence…but he also knew his wound wasn't healing properly. This was necessary. So, taking a deep breath, Castiel slowly removed his jacket.

Dean cracked a wry grin as he watched him. "Need some help?" he asked as he set the kit down on the bed. Without waiting for an answer, he reached for the first button on Cas' shirt, easily undoing it.

"Dean…" Cas whispered, suddenly uncertain. Looking up at him, he reached his hands up to rest them on Dean's, not sure if he meant to stop him or encourage him.

"Yeah?" Dean asked, locking eyes with him, and as they continued to gaze into each other's eyes, he slowly undid the rest of the buttons. Cas was too caught up in those beautiful green eyes to remember what he'd been trying to say and when he stayed quiet, Dean took the opportunity to slip the shirt from his shoulders.

"Just hold still," Dean said softly, eyes briefly flicking down to Cas' lips before he pulled himself away, moving around and sitting behind him on the bed.

Castiel was briefly drawn out of his haze of lust when Dean pulled away his makeshift bandage and ran an antiseptic wipe over the injury, thoroughly cleaning it out. The brief spike of pain didn't keep the haze away for long, though. As Dean's fingers moved tenderly over his abused skin, Cas could barely keep himself from trembling. He would have given anything to have Dean go on touching him. He was almost saddened when he felt the new bandage being secured in place, but then something he never would've expected happened.

Right next to the new bandage, he felt the press of Dean's lips against his skin. Unable to help himself, Cas gasped sharply then exhaled a shuddering breath.

" _Dean,_ " he cried out softly when the hunter pressed his lips to a different spot. Already he could feel his body reacting to the intimate touch.

"Cas," Dean exhaled quietly against his back. "I was so fuckin' worried about you. I was goin' crazy…every day you didn't show up. Almost lost Sammy…coulda lost you. I can't do it anymore, Cas. I can't fuckin' do it," he hissed as he pressed a somewhat rougher kiss to the juncture of his shoulder and neck. Cas groaned a little louder when Dean wrapped his arms around his middle, holding him tightly against his chest.

"Dean… _please_ ," he moaned when he felt the other man's lips pull away from him.

"D'you want this, Cas?" Dean's voice was suddenly at his ear, whispering, tickling… _exciting_ him.

"Yes," he whispered back. "You cannot know how _long_ I've wanted this."

" _Good,_ " Dean hissed in his ear, and there was something strange about his voice then, something almost…predatory. Then the hunter was releasing him and he heard a brief shifting of fabric before Dean moved around in front of him, quickly pinning him to the bed. He had only a moment to see that Dean had taken the time to remove his own shirt.

As Dean leaned down to claim a proper kiss on the lips, Cas' hands slid up his arms, and when he was caressing his wonderfully toned shoulders, that was when he felt it…the mark he'd left on Dean's right shoulder when he'd raised him from perdition…the mark he no longer had. He could feel it burned into the skin as if he'd raised him only yesterday. As his breath escaped in a painful hitch, Cas turned his head to the side, not allowing the kiss.

"Dean doesn't have this mark anymore. I healed it myself," he said, feeling something in his heart tear as he began to realize what was happening.

"Mm, I know, but you _wish_ he did. You wish you'd been able to keep your mark on the Righteous Man…claim him as yours for all the world to see," the creature mocked, its voice now an ugly caricature of Dean Winchester's beloved tone.

"What are you?" Cas demanded, trying to struggle free, but quickly realizing his limited human strength was no match for his captor's.

"Well, let's think," the monster began before pressing a harsh kiss to the underside of Cas' jaw. "What creature can read your mind and manifest itself as the deepest desire of your heart? One guess."

"Siren," Cas growled, shuddering in disgust at the revelation of just what was pinning him to the bed.

"Bingo, we have a winner," the creature said with a cruel laugh, leering down at him with Dean's face.

"What do you want with me?" Cas asked, looking away from the siren in shame and revulsion. How had he been so easily duped by this monster?

"What _don't_ I want with you, Castiel? Just as a start, you're _extremely_ fuckable, and there's just so much anguish and unspoken _need_ tangled up behind that stoic mask of yours. I'm gonna enjoy milkin' that for all it's worth," the siren said in a strangely silken tone, eagerly grinding its hips against Cas', and even though he _knew_ just what sort of creature had him in its clutches, knew just what kind of power it had, he couldn't stop the tiny gasp that left his lips at the contact.

"You won't – have that power," the former angel ground out, still struggling to get free. "You don't control me…not until your venom is in me, and I won't allow that," he said, keeping his face turned away from the siren, fighting not to tremble as it laid several heated kisses along his neck.

"You sure? Cuz that hard on between your legs says otherwise," the siren said, giving another harsh grind to emphasize its point. Cas threw his head back against the mattress, involuntarily crying out at the intense sensation. "If you think you can resist, you're wrong. You said it yourself, and I can see it in your mind. You've wanted this too long, _needed_ it for too many years. Too long you've been yearning for Dean Winchester to hold you, to kiss you, to spread you over the backseat of that Impala and _fuck_ you until you don't know up from down. No. You've got no hope of holding back now," the siren murmured in his ear, stretching out its tongue to lap lightly at the shell.

"You're not… _Dean,_ " Cas groaned desperately, fighting to keep his head turned away as the siren moved his hands over his head, keeping his wrists pinned with one hand as it moved its now free hand down to his belt, fingers moving scintillatingly across metal and leather.

"No. I'm what you need most, Castiel – and what you need most right now is for Dean Winchester to love you," the creature purred as it snapped open his belt, causing Cas to wince at the sound. "You need him to _adore_ you…to make love to you…in spite of everything you've done."

As the siren spoke, it slowly undid his pants, reaching inside to squeeze eagerly at the place Cas most wanted Dean to touch. Cas moaned helplessly, breathing growing ragged as his hips gave a tiny buck against his will. His body already knew he'd lost, but his heart hadn't acknowledged it yet.

"Will you kill them?" Cas asked, forcing himself to remember what was at stake here if he lost to this creature.

"Hmm?" the siren hummed against his neck as it continued to stroke him.

"The Winchesters…and the prophet…will you use me to kill them?"

"Oh, them. Heheh, no. As much fun as that would be, those idiots are miles from here. It's just you and me tonight, and when I'm done with you, I'm baggin' you for the angel crowd. They all want your head on a plate, Cas, and they're offerin' a pretty flattering price for it. So if you're gonna die anyway, what's wrong with goin' out like this, huh? One steamy, passionate night with your precious hunter, then all your pain goes away forever," the siren offered, gently rubbing its nose at the corner of Cas' mouth.

Cas shook his head vaguely, no longer as adamant about keeping his lips turned away from the siren. "This…it…it isn't _real,_ " he hissed, several teardrops escaping from his eyes. Never in all his years of existence had he felt so utterly torn in two. His body wanted what the siren offered, but his heart was breaking with the knowledge of what it would mean.

"Real's a matter of perspective, Cas. Real or not real, this is what you _need_ right now. Besides, you know you'll never be with the _real_ Dean Winchester. Deep down…you _know_ this is what you deserve. You _deserve_ to be punished…and to die like a dog."

"Why are you doing this?" Cas asked, turning his face up to look the siren in the eye, their lips barely inches apart. He wasn't fighting anymore. "You can take what you want any time."

"No," the siren said softly, breath ghosting across Castiel's lips. "I'm not going to force you, Castiel. You're going to choose it, and that's the point. I didn't _have_ to give myself away. I could've had you twice by now, completely willing, without a drop of venom. I wanna see the great Castiel _choose_ to fall into damnation, with full understanding of what it means when you do. So _kiss me,_ little angel, and you and me'll hold hands and sail off this cliff together," the siren said, its voice a perfect imitation of Dean's most seductive growl.

The creature's grip on his wrists had loosened, but Castiel did nothing with that knowledge. For what could have been an eternity, he just stared up into those piercing green eyes – eyes that he'd loved longer than he'd even understood what love was – and they gazed back at him with all the love and desire he'd ever dared to hope Dean could feel for him. He remembered the first time he'd ever gazed into those eyes in Hell. Dean – on the verge of becoming a demon – gaze dark and dangerous, but even after everything, still hopeful, still _needing_ him.

 _Save me, Cas._

With that, the former angel slipped completely over the edge. He didn't _care_ anymore. There was no _reason_ left to fight. It was over. The only thing left was the fall – his very last, into Dean's arms, into eternal damnation, and he didn't care. All he wanted was this one last thing – to be with Dean before the end.

Castiel surged up off the bed, wrapping his arms around the hunter's neck and seizing his lips in a hot, demanding kiss. Dean growled possessively against him, mouth opening eagerly to deepen the kiss. Cas groaned needily as he tasted the Righteous Man for the first time. There was the taste of the burger he'd just eaten, but there was also something smoky, spicy, and so uniquely _Dean_ , it was intoxicating. Cas was left gasping when the hunter pinned him back to the bed, hands raking deliciously down his sides.

"Dean… _ah…Dean,_ " he moaned helplessly as the hunter lowered his head to his chest, flicking his tongue out to lick teasingly at each nipple.

"You like that, angel baby?" he asked as he slowly sat back up. Cas nodded drunkenly as he attempted to follow him, but Dean pushed him back with a hand on his chest, using the small moment of separation to pull the rest of Cas' clothing off. That done, Cas eagerly pulled him back down onto his body, fingers scrabbling desperately at every inch of skin he could get at as they exchanged kiss after ravenous kiss.

"Tell me what you want, sweetheart," Dean growled as he ran a teasing hand up and down Cas' thigh.

"Hngh…want you…want you to _take me,_ Dean," he pleaded, hands reaching desperately for the other man's belt buckle. "Make me _yours._ "

"Whatever you want, babe. Gonna make you feel so good," Dean hissed in his ear as he gripped the former angel's hips tightly in both hands, leaving a very distinct set of bruises. Despite the pain of the grip, Cas bucked eagerly up against him.

"Yes…yes," Cas panted as he tore the hunter's jeans open, thrusting them down past his hips and bringing his erection into view. Dean growled playfully at him before taking a moment to kick the last of his clothes off. When he fell back on Cas, there was no longer anything between them. Just the sweet, heated press of skin against skin.

For several minutes, Cas just lay there, feeling, reveling in everything Dean was doing to his body. How many years had he longed for this? From the moment he'd laid hands on the Righteous Man in Hell, really, no more than a brief flicker of time in his own existence…and yet, somehow, everything that had come before it seemed so insignificant when stood beside his time with Dean Winchester.

And now that he had what he wanted, he was _never_ going to let it go. Growling right along with Dean, he began to kiss back with a renewed sense of urgency.

"Dean…want you…need you so much," he groaned in between kisses.

"I know you do. Can't live without me, can you," he teased, slipping a hand between his legs for another squeeze. Cas cried out in bliss at the current of heat that moved through his body.

"No," he breathed out as the hunter continued to fondle him. "I'd _die_ without you."

"Damn right, you would. Do you love me, Cas?" he demanded quietly, fingers caressing the curve of the former angel's backside as they circled the place where Castiel really _needed_ him.

"Love you…love you…Dean. I love you," he murmured over and over again as he writhed beneath him.

"Want me to _fuck you?_ " Dean hissed in his ear.

"Yes…please… _fuck me!_ " he begged, truly desperate now. His heart told him he would _die_ if Dean didn't take him soon.

"As you wish," Dean said before flipping Cas onto his stomach. He was vaguely aware of the scent of rose oil before two slicked fingers were suddenly thrust into him. Cas threw his head back as he screamed, both in pain and pleasure.

"Aw, yeah. That's it. So tight," Dean groaned in bliss as he leaned down over him, working him further open with every move. "And no one's ever touched this but me," he said with no small amount of pride.

"No one…nobody…nobody but you…Dean… _oh,_ " he panted as he bucked back against the fingers that penetrated him.

"Mm…just you and me. This ass is _mine!_ " he snarled just before thrusting his slicked cock into the former angel's body. Cas cried out at the sensation, burying his face in the pillow and screaming.

"Oh…oh, ga-…fu-… _Dean!_ " he cried out, unable to get out any other words.

"Fuck, yes!" Dean shouted as he rode him hard. " _My_ angel. My fuckin' angel."

Cas tried to say something, but all his mouth could produce just then were elated gasps and prolonged moans and cries of Dean's name. All he could do was writhe helplessly as he neared completion.

"Come on, angel cakes, _come for me,_ " the hunter snarled in his ear as he reached a hand beneath him to wrap it around his full cock. "Wanna hear you scream my name when you come all over this filthy bed."

Castiel didn't disappoint. All it took was one more thrust and he was coming into Dean's hand, screaming his name as the orgasm seized his body, and when Dean finished in him with a satisfied grunt only a few thrusts later, they both collapsed on the bed, hopelessly entangled in each other.

"You belong to me now, Castiel," Dean said as he cradled Cas against his chest, voice strangely soothing. "You're _all mine._ "

Cas nodded weakly as he snuggled deeper into the hunter's embrace. "All yours…love you," he whispered as he drew Dean's hand up to his lips to press an adoring kiss to his palm.

"Love you, too, angel baby, and we're gonna be together forever…so long as you do what I say."

"Anything, Dean…my Dean…my love," the former angel said, smiling like a fool when Dean gripped his hand just that little bit tighter.

XxX


	2. Captive Audience

**A Song in Silence**

 _Chapter 2: Captive Audience_

The siren wearing Dean Winchester's face yawned lazily as it sat up in bed, one hand reaching over to trail possessively down the arm of the former angel sleeping at its side.

It had used Castiel far into the night, made him scream the Winchester's name until his throat was raw, and given the inexperienced new human pleasure beyond what most other humans _ever_ experienced. Realizing that it was basically just fattening the little piglet up for slaughter, it chuckled to itself, leaving a few new love bites on its prey's shoulder.

Castiel was so drained from their vicious fucking that he didn't even stir in his sleep. He just lay there, curled adoringly against his new master, letting the siren do whatever it pleased; and while the creature typically loved riding the high that kind of control gave it, already it found itself wanting more. The former angel was the richest source of passionate energy it'd come across in a good long while, and though it still planned to drain absolutely everything it could from Castiel before turning him over to Bartholomew, it still wanted to find a way to get more from this situation. But what?

It knew what it _really_ wanted, of course. As with any successful hunt, it wanted the perfect peak of energy it could pull from its victim – the abject violation of everything that soul stood for. It wanted to see the fallen angel crash and burn completely by forcing him to destroy that which he loved above all else for the sake of an illusion. It wanted to see the bullet pierce Dean Winchester's heart, to see the knife slit his throat and see the horror blossom as the light left his eyes. It wanted to hear Castiel scream as he awoke to the nightmare of his new reality. Only then would its hunter's instinct be truly satisfied.

"And you'd do it for me, wouldn't you…Angel baby," the siren mocked soothingly as it pressed another biting kiss to its prize's neck, relishing the former angel's answering moan. "You'd do _anything_ for your precious Dean."

"Anything," Cas mumbled in his sleep.

Perfect ruin. Perfect poetry.

The only trouble in this perfect picture was the involvement of the Winchesters themselves. It certainly wouldn't be the first to try. Not for nothing were Crowley's favorite denim-wrapped nightmares still breathing, after all. Was it actually fool enough to take on what no being above or below the earth had successfully managed to destroy…just to satisfy its own killer instinct?

But at that, there were still other practical things to consider. More than the angels' promised bounty, the deaths of the Winchesters could gain it outright immunity, not just from the angels but from the demons, as well. Wasn't that a prize well worth all its risks? Moreover, didn't it have at its disposal what no comer before it ever had before – the blind devotion of the notorious pair's guardian angel? Yes. In order to get at it, the Brothers Winchester would have to go through Castiel, and, if past escapades were anything to judge by, that was something they would never do. So long as the former angel was its to control, the two hunters would be putty in its hands.

Chuckling again, this time with a more sinister note, the siren reached for the phone on the bedside table.

"Shall we play a game, Dean?" it hissed in a twisted parody of the hunter's voice as it dialed in the number.

"Dean…" Cas moaned quietly, cuddling even closer against the siren's side in his exhausted, entranced sleep.

XxX

Much as Dean would have preferred to keep driving through the night in order to avoid thinking too much about the mess Cas may or may not have gotten himself into, Sam insisted he grab a few hours' rest before he wound up putting Baby in a ditch. So Dean had grudgingly given the wheel to his brother, and even though he was supposed to be catching a few Zs, he just couldn't seem to manage it. His thoughts were constantly on Cas.

Why the hell would the angels send a siren after him? Since when did angels work with scumbags like that? Not that they were any better than bags of dicks themselves, but he would've thought they were still a little higher on their horse than that. Were they really getting that pissed? That desperate?

Well, if the assholes they'd run into so far were any indication, the answer to that was a resounding 'fuck, yes,' and with Cas being the colossal newbie on the block he surely was…how long could he reasonably expect to avoid capture?

 _Fucking don't think like that, Winchester. We've pulled more than one miracle out of our asses so far this week. We'll just have to do it again. Get to Cas before they do…before the siren does. Besides, there's no way he'd fall for a dirty trick like that. He isn't…it's not…_

But there was. He knew perfectly well just how easy it was to fall into a siren's clutches. Tempted with what you wanted – what you _needed_ most – the truth at the heart of you – who _wouldn't_ fall for that? And the more he tried not to think about it, the more his thoughts turned to the question at the center of it all.

What form would a siren take to tempt Cas? What did he need? What desires were hiding behind those goddamn baby blues? Dean knew what form a siren would take to draw _him_ in. Of course he did. Just because he was so damn good at lying to the rest of the world didn't mean he could lie to himself anymore. He knew what was in his heart – had known ever since he'd caught that goddamn angel in his arms down in Purgatory – but he also knew what he couldn't have. He would never think enough of himself to believe he could ever deserve Cas – that one of the few decent angels in existence could _ever_ want someone like _him._

No. That was beyond even hope. So the question remained. What was the one thing in all of creation that was worthy enough to draw Cas' hidden desire? What did his angel long for?

 _There we go again. Ain't gonna get anywhere fast thinkin' of that clueless cloud jumper as_ _ **mine.**_ _Fucking get your head on straight._

"I'm worried about him, too, Dean," Sam finally put in from his place at the wheel. Glancing back over his shoulder at his baby brother, he could see that Sam was gripping the wheel in white knuckles.

"Make a habit of talkin' to sleepin' passengers there, Sam?" he asked without turning any further back in the seat.

"If you've slept at any point since we left the bunker, I'm a damn fairy princess."

"That visual I could've done without," Dean groaned, wincing at the fact that his brother did in fact have a set of torn wings at his back.

"Seriously, man, would it kill you to have an actual conversation about this?"

"It might," Dean said with a shrug, still not looking at him. "Fuckin' made it _this_ far in life without havin' a conversation about it. Don't much feel the need to start now."

"And yet we both know exactly _what_ conversation we're not having, so there's no sense in pretending like it's not a thing," Sam pointed out.

"Sense never had anything to do with it. No reason why it should start now."

"Anybody ever tell you you'd make a good lawyer?" Sam fired back. "You've definitely got the double speak mastered."

"Dammit, man, where's this comin' from all of a sudden?" Dean demanded, finally shifting to face his little brother.

"I'm just sick of it, Dean. I'm fucking _sick of it!_ " Sam snapped at him. "People don't _get_ second chances. They screw up. They turn left when they should've turned right. They keep their traps shut when they should have _said_ _something._ And then they die with those regrets. We've all had more second chances than anyone can count and you haven't done a _damn thing_ with any of them."

"Jesus, Sam, what do you _want_ me to say?"

"I want you to _talk to Cas,_ " Sam ground out. "Most people go their whole lives without ever finding what the two of you just stumbled into, and I'm not gonna watch you throw it away anymore. I'm not gonna do that."

"Throw it away?" Dean repeated with a bitter chuckle. "That's interesting comin' from a guy who, just a few days ago, was spoutin' some bull about me puttin' everything else before him. Now you _want_ me to? Gettin' some seriously mixed signals here, bro."

Sam winced at this, shaking his head before continuing. "I was upset. I didn't mean any of it. It wasn't fair of me to say those things, but I got a chance to take them back. How many more chances to tell Cas what you need to tell him are you going to let slip through your fingers? I just can't watch you be unhappy anymore, not when happiness is right in front of you."

Letting out a frustrated snarl, Dean briefly scrubbed his hands over his face. "Fuckin' _happiness,_ Sam? Is that what you think? If that's all you think this is, then you don't get it at all."

" _I_ don't get it? Well, by all means, Dean, enlighten me. What don't I get?"

Dean may well have said something worth the hearing at that point…were it not for the sudden sound of his phone going off in his pocket. Scrambling for it, the elder Winchester frantically brought the device to his ear. " _Cas?_ " he shouted onto the line.

"Not so much, no," a disconcertingly familiar voice answered his demand. "I'm afraid Castiel is…unavailable at the moment. Would you like to leave a message?"

"Where is he?" Dean demanded, his quiet growl laced with latent rage. He hardly noticed Sam jerk in the seat next to him.

"Now, now, now. Not all at once, Dean Winchester. I think we can take the time to observe the pleasantries."

"Who are you?" Dean continued to press.

"Oh, I think you know. Word's been out among the reapers and the feathery bastards. You _know_ what's been hunting your angel," the voice on the other end of the line hissed in his ear.

"How did you get this number?" the hunter continued to needle, knowing that if he could do nothing else, he at least had to keep this bastard talking.

"Don't play games, Winchester. You know the answer to that one. You know what I am…and what I can do. Cas knows this number very well. I have him right here with me."

"What did you do to him?" Dean snarled.

"Heh, my, but we're just full of questions, aren't we. I didn't do anything to him he hadn't already been wanting for _years_. You were just too much of a pussy to give it to him. Really, you should've seen it, Dean. You would have _loved_ the way he screamed your name," their opponent stated, a sneer clear in the tone of his voice.

That statement gave Dean a smack upside the head. For a moment, all he could do was sit there in shock before murmuring, "My name?"

"Oh, dear. You mean you didn't _know?_ You didn't see the way the naïve little angel of the lord looked at you? Tsk, tsk, tsk. You could have resolved this whole situation just by looking in his direction. Just one glance, Dean. You can't even imagine how he _longed_ for a look from you…for just one kiss. But don't worry. I took care of your precious little angel for you."

"You listen to me, you pervert sonuvabitch," Dean growled into the phone, immediately going on the defensive. "If you touch him again, I'll-"

"You'll _what_ …Dean Winchester? What will you do?" the siren challenged mockingly. "You're definitely not going to hurt me, not while dear Cas stands between the two of us."

"What do you want?" Dean finally asked, closing his eyes in an attempt to master himself. He was about an inch from punching something and the only two somethings available were Sam and Baby, both unacceptable. "I'm pretty sure you didn't just call to brag."

"Certainly not. I just thought you might like a sporting chance to rush in and rescue your depowered damsel before I hand him back to his brothers. After all, they no doubt plan to kill him…slowly."

"Stop it."

"If you hurry, little knight, I might just let you see him one last time."

"I said _stop it!_ " Dean shouted at the phone, gripping it so tight, he just about broke it.

"Dean, keep it together," Sam warned him. "Whatever he's saying, you can't listen."

Taking the advice to heart, Dean put the phone on speaker and rested it on his leg, leaning back from the device to take a breath. Then he repeated his first question.

"Where is he? Where's Cas? Don't make me ask again."

"We're holed up in a little motel outside of Cedar Rapids. You can't miss the place. It's the dive with the giant mermaid on the billboard. We'll look forward to seeing you. I'll give you until noon. If by then you haven't made an appearance, I'll assume Castiel means nothing to you and hand him over to the angels as originally planned. Catch you on the flipside, Winchester," the siren said before cutting the connection.

"Dammit!" Dean snapped, pounding a fist against his knee in frustrated anger.

"Cedar Rapids," Sam said quietly, choosing not to comment on anything the siren may or may not have said. "It's only about an hour off if we gun it. We can make it before noon."

"Yeah…no problems there," was Dean's vague response.

"So…trap?" Sam finally laid it out in the open.

"Trap," Dean agreed before slipping the phone back into his pocket.

"But why? Why risk not being able to collect on the angels' bounty?"

"Probably figures he can get an even better deal if the two of us turn up dead. Plus, this thing's a siren. It's kinda what they _do._ "

"Right. Dean…normally, I'd be the one to say we shouldn't just spring an obvious trap, but…"

"But Cas is already caught up in it," Dean filled in when he didn't finish. "There's no time. We'll just have to come up with something on the way."

Sam just nodded as he took the next exit, deciding there was definitely a time and a place for their earlier conversation, and this precise moment had suddenly become neither of those things. Right now, Cas needed their help.

XxX

Sam really gunned it, and they ended up reaching Cedar Rapids in only forty-five minutes, and if asked, Dean would say that he hadn't thought about much of anything in that time except gearing up for a fight. Though, really, it was probably the longest forty-five minutes of his life.

If what the creature had said about Cas…screaming his name…was true, and the voice it had used had sounded familiar for the reason he _thought_ it sounded familiar…then that meant…fuck, but he was still bad at this whole being honest with himself thing.

 _Cas…_ _ **why?**_

He didn't have an answer, and he was relieved beyond words that Sam had enough sense not to press the issue. They could deal with it later…maybe…sorta…probably not. It didn't fucking matter right now. Cas needed him. Better to focus on that than anything else.

When they arrived at the motel and opened up the Impala's trunk, beginning to go through their options, Dean turned to look at his brother.

"Okay, we have no idea what we're gonna find in there, so…I'm letting you know."

Sam just stared at him oddly in response. "O- okay. Um…letting me know what?"

Dean stared even more intently at his little brother, as if he could actually see through to the angel hiding underneath his skin. "I'm _letting you know._ "

Sam's posture straightened and his shoulders fell back as Ezekiel finally took the hint, taking control of the younger Winchester.

"What is it, Dean?"

"I need to know if you can help Cas. Is there any way you can…I dunno…purge the siren's influence or something?"

Ezekiel shook Sam's head. "No. Not in this state. Undoing a siren's power is more than just simple healing. Their venom unmakes everything the victim is, rebuilding the soul around smoke and illusion. To alter a soul so fundamentally, it…the soul's fabric becomes delicate. It would take power and time. Time we have none of and as you well know, my powers are weak. I have none to spare for an undertaking of this magnitude."

"Okay, I get it. Kinda figured it'd be something like that," Dean said as he grabbed one of the angel blades.

"That weapon will not avail you in this case either," Ezekiel warned him, reaching instead for the typical bronze dagger.

"Seriously? Why the hell not? I thought these things could gank anything. What's wrong this time?" Dean growled.

"That's not the point. The angel blade will _kill_ the siren, certainly, but it will not remove its influence. A bronze dagger alone could kill a siren, but only the envenomed blood breaks its power. That is the reason they are used together. It's a sort of…loop, if you will. Infecting the victim creates the link, but connecting it back to the source destroys it. If the source were destroyed without destroying the link, that loop would just keep turning back on itself for eternity. The victim would…eventually be driven mad by it," the angel explained, coming to an awkward halt when he seemed to remember he was talking about Cas.

"Guess we'll just have to do this the hard way. So what else is new?" Dean said, rolling his eyes as he cracked his neck. Almost as an afterthought, he grabbed a compact mirror and shoved it in his jacket pocket.

"Dean," Ezekiel tried to continue, "if you believe this creature has taken your form to tempt Castiel-"

"Gonna stop you right there, Zeke," Dean snapped quietly. "If I won't have this conversation with my own brother, what makes you think I'm gonna have it with _you?_ "

"Understood," the angel said, but then he spoke in a voice that was all Sam and no angel. "Dean," Sam said sharply, immediately drawing his attention. When Dean looked up, he saw his brother staring wide-eyed across the parking lot. Following Sam's gaze, he found himself looking at…himself.

He was standing about thirty feet away, hip cocked and arms crossed casually over his chest. As he surveyed them, he wore a predatory smirk that had absolutely no business being anywhere _near_ his face. Growling low in his throat, Dean whipped out a pistol and aimed at the smug motherfucker.

"Dean, _don't,_ " Sam started, reaching up to grab his wrist. "It'll just draw more attention. It won't help anything."

"It'll make _me_ feel better," Dean snarled, glaring at the siren through narrowed eyes. He ultimately lowered the gun, but he never once took his eyes away from the creature, watching as it turned and sauntered into one of the rooms. Fucking _sauntered!_

"Oh, that bitch is so dead it ain't even funny," Dean ground out, taking several steps toward the room before Sam managed to stop him.

"Come on, man. You're seriously just gonna do what it wants? It even left the door open. It's obviously not scared of us."

"You got a better idea?" Dean asked as he shrugged his brother off.

Sam fumed for a moment before finally coming back with, "Fine. No, I don't. But we need to be ready for whatever we find in that room."

"I'm ready," Dean snapped as he moved past Sam, replacing the gun with the angel blade. "You think I don't know what we're gonna see in there?"

"That's not really what I meant," Sam said as he fell into step behind him.

"Don't exactly have time to play word games right now, little brother," Dean said before nudging the door open with his foot…and nearly receiving an angel blade through the face.

Dean raised his own blade fast enough to block the strike, but it wasn't really that he was worried about. He'd told himself over and over again that he could take it, that he was ready for whatever this siren had dished out. He'd made himself remember when Naomi had forced Cas to attack him in Lucifer's crypt. There hadn't been a trace of his angel behind those blue eyes that night. It had been like going toe to toe with a robot. This…this was different, and he only realized _how_ different as he stared at the fallen angel through their crossed blades. Cas was still there, but the former angel didn't _know_ him. He stared at him like he would a demon – an _enemy._

"Cas… _no,_ " he whispered, voice tight with a sudden wash of agony.

Cas easily broke the deadlock with a sideswipe. When he took a step back, Dean unthinkingly followed him into the room. He tried to keep pace with him, but he was nowhere near as skilled with an angel blade as Cas was. In only a few moves, the former angel had easily disarmed him, pinning him to the wall and holding his blade threateningly against Dean's throat.

"Dean!" Sam shouted, trying to move in, but not daring to move any closer when Cas pressed the blade a little more harshly against his brother's neck.

"That's enough, Cas," the siren chastised from its place on the bed. "Don't forget what I told you, darling. We mustn't spend everything all at once."

"Cas…come on. It's _me,_ " Dean pleaded with him, begging, _needing_ for him to know him. "It's Dean. Don't you recognize me?"

"Don't bother," the siren said with a mocking shake of its head. "Your voice can no longer reach him. He hears only me…his _beloved._ "

"Cas, please," Sam said softly, still not moving any closer. "Don't you get it? That's _not Dean._ "

"I think you two are the ones not getting it. It doesn't matter what's real or not real. In Cas' mind, I _am_ Dean. I'm exactly what he needs, and what that is is for _you_ to love him," it said, staring pointedly at Dean. "He needs to have your love…to have _you_ …in spite of all the hurt you've caused each other."

"I _do,_ " Dean suddenly burst out, gaze snapping from the siren to the former angel.

"I'm sorry? What was that?" the siren asked, tilting its head to the side as it raised a hand to its ear. "Didn't quite catch it."

"I…I do, Cas," he said again, keeping his focus on Cas as he fought to get through to him. "I don't know why you'd think I don't. I _need_ you, Cas."

"Mm, nope. Still don't think you actually said it," the siren said with a shake of its head as it beckoned to Cas with a disgustingly sultry look. "Come to me, Cas."

A small smile lit Cas' face as he pulled back from Dean, quickly moving toward the bed and cuddling up close against the siren. The creature smirked cruelly at Dean as it pulled Cas into its arms, pressing his willing form close against its stolen body. The real Dean watched in pained anger as the siren ran possessive fingers up and down Cas' back and arms.

"So precious…so _willing,_ " the siren hissed, sneering at Dean before pressing its lips against Cas', pulling him into a kiss so deep and passionate the former angel was left moaning needily against him. Even so, it wasn't any of this that broke Dean's heart. No. It was the look of utter bliss on Cas' face. That anything in the world had the power to make his angel _that_ happy…

"Sonuvabitch," Dean snarled, ducking to grab his discarded angel blade before moving uneasily toward the bed. "If you don't let him go right this second, I'm gonna-"

"Ah, ah, ah, ah," the siren warned. Dean didn't see when it'd grabbed it, but Cas' blade was suddenly in its hand, tip pressed threateningly against the base of his skull as it cradled him close against its chest. Completely unaware of his peril, Cas just snuggled closer against his captor, smiling happily as he nuzzled its cheek.

"Cas," the hunter whispered fearfully.

"I believe we've had this conversation already, Dean. What do you think you can do to me while I have _him?_ We both know you won't go through him to get at me, so you may as well stop pretending like you have any kind of hand to play. If either of you come any closer, we'll find out just how fragile Castiel's new human form is. But then, I don't suppose that's anything new to _you,_ Dean Winchester – being covered in the blood of your loved ones," the siren taunted as it ran the blade along the back of Cas' neck, just above the skin.

"Stop it," Dean hissed, fingers twitching, _aching_ to tear into the monster.

"Can you picture it?" the creature went on. "I'd just plunge the blade up through his neck…straight up into his skull," it narrated, free hand stroking Cas' back while it continued to caress his defenseless neck with the angel blade. "There'd be a gush of blood when I pulled out…maybe some brain tissue. The red would just flow down his back…all over the bed…and you really would have your precious angel's blood on your hands," it finished with a lascivious sneer before pressing a tender kiss to Cas' temple. Cas sighed in pleasure before laying an adoring kiss of his own at the corner of the siren's mouth.

Only the threat against Cas' life kept Dean rooted where he stood, kept him from tearing this beast apart with his bare hands, because he felt like he could have in that moment. Only Cas prevented it, lying ensnared in the siren's embrace, besotted, helpless, and so completely in love it broke something in Dean to see it. But as he looked at Cas, he also noticed something – blood spots on the fabric of Cas' shirt at his right shoulder.

 _He's hurt._

"So what's going to happen now?" Sam was the one to finally ask. "Are we all just supposed to sit here until the angel crowd shows up?"

"You know, I'm glad you asked, Sam. My original plan was to just let Castiel kill the pair of you, but that won't be as easy as I'd first thought, given the company you seem to be keeping."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sam asked.

The siren tilted its head curiously to the side as it surveyed Sam. Then another leer began to twist its stolen features as it looked to Dean.

"Oh, but this is good. Are you telling me he doesn't _know?_ This is just _divine_. Yet one more thing to destroy you with before you die."

Dean didn't need to see Sam's gaze shift to him. He could feel his brother's eyes on his back, but he didn't turn to look at him. He couldn't deal with this right now. Not now.

"Dean…what's he talking about?"

The siren started to laugh as it watched the two of them. "Well, there's beauty in the breakdown, as the song says. Much as I'd love to watch this all fall apart, there's business to attend to. Cas, love, if you'd be so kind."

Nodding in compliance, Cas quietly moved aside one of the pillows on the bed to reveal something painted on the sheet in his blood. Dean barely caught sight of the angel banishing sigil before Cas pressed his hand to it.

"Cas, _no!_ " Dean shouted, but it was too late. There was a sudden burst of light and Sam and Zeke were violently torn from the room. Dean had to hold himself back from moving closer to the bed as he rounded furiously on the siren. "You bastard! Where are they?"

The siren shrugged lazily as it grinned at him. "Hell if I know. Who's to say where they ended up with law and order upside down as they are. Not that I'm surprised, what with _your_ track record, but did you _actually_ trick your own brother into accepting an angel? I'd ask why, but, heh, I don't really care. It's not as if you'll live long enough for him to get angry at you. And here we are, alone at last."

"So what happens now?" Dean asked with a pained groan. "Gonna have Cas gank me and then turn him over to the angels?"

"Oh, don't worry, Dean. We'll come to that eventually. But as of right now, I see no particular need to hurry. As I said before, we don't want to spend it all at once. We'll take this slowly… _enjoy_ it. Perhaps you'd like a repeat performance of last night. Would you like to know how you and Cas finally hooked up? I'd _love_ to give you a play by play," it said before licking a trail along the side of Cas' face.

"You do that and I'm just gonna shut my eyes," Dean informed it, not wanting to give the creature the satisfaction of meeting its gaze, but also unable to bear looking at Cas.

"I don't think so, little Winchester. If I decide that's what's going to happen, you'll have no choice in the matter. You _will watch us_ , otherwise you _know_ what will happen," the siren warned him, once again tracing the angel blade dangerously along Cas' spine. "But I don't think we need to go to all that trouble, much as I'd enjoy watching your face whilst I fucked him. There is, I think, only one thing I need to do. Only one thing…in order to _break_ you, Righteous Man."

"Think it's that easy?" Dean challenged, even though he _knew_ how stupid it was. "Go ahead. What's your one thing?"

"Cas?" the siren called gently, mockingly.

"Yes, Dean?" Cas returned, looking up at the creature.

"Tell me how you love me, Cas," the monster commanded, its voice threaded through with the strength of its power over him. "How you've _always_ loved me."

"I loved you from the very first, Dean," Cas recounted, eyes going hazy as he spoke. "Before I even knew what that meant. I knew you were different from other men, but back then I just thought it was because you were the Righteous Man. I didn't realize it was my own heart that called out to you. I just knew how beautiful your soul was…how bright it shone in the darkness. I had lived bathed in the Holy Spirit…and I had never known such beauty until that moment when I gripped you tight and held you to me. I didn't know it then, but I loved you. I saw everything you were, even in your torment, and something awakened in me…and it took me so long to understand that, I thought I'd missed my chance."

"Cas," Dean whispered as he slowly dropped to his knees before the bed, because damned if that monster hadn't been right. It was all he'd ever wanted to hear – that his feeling of love was returned just as fiercely – and it was being said to someone else. These words that were meant for him, the siren was taking them and twisting them, using them to snare Cas, so that once again it was _his fault_ that someone he loved was suffering.

The siren just laughed as it watched him plunge into despair. Then it pulled Cas in once again to claim a kiss from his lips before continuing with its callous puppet show. "You didn't miss your chance, angel baby. You and me are gonna be together forever…no matter who tries to stop us," it said as it looked Dean in the eye once more. "I warned you, didn't I? Heh, it was almost too easy. I'm actually disappointed. What would you do if I told him to kill you? Just sit there and mope?"

Dean didn't dignify the creature with an answer. He just turned his focus back to Cas, painful as it was. What _was_ he going to do? Just lie down and die? Sit here like a rat in a trap and wait for Cas to put the blade through his throat? Cas had certainly earned the _right_ to kill him at this point…and his death would break the siren's influence over him, maybe give him a chance to escape.

 _If I hurt you…just by existing…would it be better for you to just kill me now?_

"Cas," he whispered again, throat hoarse and eyes burning, "I'm sorry."

The siren shook its head. "Of course you're sorry. People are _always_ sorry…after it's too late. So predictable. Let's see if you stay true to form. Cas, darling?" it started, dropping another kiss on the former angel's temple.

"Dean?"

"This man doesn't want us to be together. He's going to try to take me away from you. You won't let that happen, will you?" it asked, nodding at Dean.

"Never," Cas snarled with all the power of the holy fire he no longer possessed, blue eyes blazing as he turned to look at Dean.

"If you get rid of him, we can be together always. That's what you want, isn't it?" the creature pressed, fingers tracing brief circles along Cas' sides before he stood from the bed, taking the angel blade in hand.

"Yes," Cas began slowly as he stalked toward Dean, raising the blade above his head. "I want…to be with you always."

"Cas…please…don't do this," Dean pleaded, remaining on his knees before him. "It's _me._ "

"Nothing will stop me from being with Dean," Cas said with a sense of finality that shattered Dean's heart just a little more. " _Nothing!_ "

As Cas plunged the blade downward, Dean shot to his feet, turning the blow aside with a strike of his own. Then he turned his blade in hand and used the hilt to deliver a hard blow to the side of Cas' head, instantly dropping him.

"There you are. _That's_ the hunter I wanted to see," the siren said, sneering gleefully as Dean knelt briefly to check Cas over. "I think we'll have a little hunt of our own. I'd hate to see you die on your knees. Better take your head start while you can. Oh, and just so you know, if you attempt to take blood from him, I'll just order him to kill himself. The angels will be just as satisfied with a corpse, I think."

Dean didn't waste time responding to the siren. Once he'd made certain Cas would be all right, he turned and ran, the siren's voice echoing in his ears all the way back to the Impala.

"Run, Dean Winchester. _Run for your life!_ "

XxX


	3. This is My Despair

**A Song in Silence**

 _Chapter 3: This is My Despair_

Gadreel was grateful, at the very least, to find himself still inhabiting Sam Winchester's body upon coming to. Slowly sitting up from where he'd fallen, he made certain that Sam himself was contained in his own little corner of his mind before doing anything else. The first thing he became aware of upon turning his senses outward was a strange buzzing sensation in his pocket.

The phone! Sam's phone was ringing. Fumbling for the device, the angel answered it as quickly as he was able.

"Sammy!" Dean's voice came over the line in panic.

"No. Ezekiel," he answered, rubbing briefly at his forehead. "But your brother is safe."

"Dammit, Zeke. I've been tryin' to get ahold of you for ten minutes here. What the hell happened? Where are you guys?"

Looking around him, Gadreel began to see things that looked vaguely familiar. He'd wound up in a ditch behind a small strip mall.

"I think…Dean…I believe this is the place I first fell to Earth. I think I recognize it."

"Near Sioux Falls, yeah?"

"Near enough, yes. A few hours."

"Great. That's great. Just fucking _great!_ Just…Zeke…Sam's okay, yeah? That jump didn't hurt him at all?" Dean pressed, clearly angry and anxious.

"No worse for wear, certainly. I was able to keep him safe. He's sleeping now. No foreseeable setbacks in the healing process for either of us," he explained as he got to his feet.

"Well, that…that's not nothing. I'll take the small miracles," Dean ground out with a pained sigh. "How'd that thing know you were holed up in there, huh?"

"My only guess is that it saw me speaking with you in the parking lot, before I had the chance to withdraw. But Dean…what happened? How did you escape?"

"When the dickhead tried to sic Cas on me, I knocked him out and got the fuck outta Dodge. I tried to get some blood from the cut on his shoulder, but the bastard said if I did, he'd force Cas to kill himself," Dean said, voice nearly breaking off at the end of the phrase.

"Then…what will you do? You'll _need_ Castiel's blood in order to defeat it," Gadreel muttered urgently into the phone, looking around to make sure there was no one to overhear him as he climbed out of the ditch.

"Goddammit, Zeke, don't you think I know that?" Dean snapped at him. "I don't _know_ what to do. I've got no kind of plan. Right now I'm just tryin' to stay alive. They're not too far behind. Right now…I think the best thing to do might be to head for Bobby's old place. Think you can figure out how to get there?"

"It shouldn't be a problem, but what good will it do?"

"It's closer than the bunker, and I might still be able to get into the panic room."

"Again, what good will that do? Castiel is no longer an angel. No barrier you can erect will prevent him from getting to you."

"No…but that's not really the point," Dean said, voice going quiet at the other end of the line.

"Dean, what are you thinking?" Gadreel demanded.

"Doesn't matter. Just get Sam's ass to Sioux Falls…and…let him stay asleep if you can. There's too much to get through right now without having to deal with all that."

"Of course I will. Sam is my charge, but Dean-"

"I'll talk to you when you get here," the hunter said before cutting the connection.

Gadreel swore quietly in Enochian, sighing in frustration as he put Sam's phone away. If Dean wasn't going to speak to him, there was little he could do about it at this point. All he could really do was begin the trek to the designated meeting place and hope the hunter didn't get himself killed in the meantime.

Grateful as he was to the Winchesters, the disgraced angel found himself wondering more and more if it was even wise to walk back into this whole situation. It was no doubt the siren's goal to see both brothers dead for the favor it would obtain from _anyone_ who had ever hated a Winchester. More than putting his vessel in danger, he would be putting himself back in the line of fire of his brethren, who would certainly destroy him if they discovered that he walked free. Would it not be better to just…walk away?

No. _No,_ he scolded himself. He'd spent far too long cowering in Heaven's dungeons. The only way he was ever going to gain redemption for himself was by doing his job – delivering humanity from evil. He needed to stand against evil wherever it manifested itself, and this creature hunting the Winchesters was certainly evil, as were the angels it was working for. He needed to do what he hadn't been able to before, stand against guile and treachery. He needed to do what he _knew_ was right, no matter how dangerous it was.

 _Do not fear, Sam Winchester. I will do whatever it takes to guard you and your brother._

XxX

It probably said something, Dean thought, that he did better having someone to argue with than he did when he was forced to be alone with his own thoughts.

Dean Winchester, folks. World's biggest fuckup.

How did it get to this point, he found himself wondering as the miles ticked down to Sioux Falls. This was supposed to be over. Cas was supposed to go back to Heaven and board it up, fix the system. He was supposed to go back to his fucking immortality and forget all about Dean, leave the hunter to pine for the rest of his miserable life. It was what the angel always did, wasn't it? Leave him behind?

Not that he could blame him, mind. It wasn't as if Dean were anyone _worth_ sticking around for. But he wasn't sure how many times he could handle watching the feathery asshole walk away from him. This was supposed to be the end of it. And now here they were, being forced to confront it like _this_ …

"Dammit, Cas!" he snarled, gripping the wheel in white knuckles. "Why the hell'd it have to be me? _Huh?_ Fucking _why?_ "

He'd always known Cas felt _something_ for him. Of _course_ he had. But a pitying sort of affection at best. He'd always figured someone like Cas could never love someone like _him._ Maybe thinking like that had made it easier to take it every time the angel turned away from him. But knowing what he knew now – knowing _this_ – that _he_ was everything Cas wanted, well, he wasn't sure yet if that made it better or worse.

No. Fuck it. He couldn't think about it anymore. There were no answers this way. What he felt didn't matter. What he needed to do was focus on saving Cas' life. He wouldn't have an opportunity to take blood from the former angel. The siren would see to that. Even one drop and Cas was dead. He wouldn't be able to deal for Cas' life either. The creature was going to see him dead anyway. There was nothing he had that the siren wanted. Nothing but his own life, and that was already held securely in the monster's hands, but…maybe it could still be given to _free_ Cas, if not to save him. That Cas would have to do without his help.

There was no way to know how much time he would have to do what he needed to do, no way to know how _much_ of a head start the siren had been willing to give him, but he knew the thing had gotten into his head – had gotten his scent, as it were. It wouldn't be at all difficult for it to track him. He just had to hope the allotted time would be enough.

When he and Sam had pulled into the deserted Singer lot a week ago, he'd mostly tried to avoid thinking about the fact that it had been nearly two years since they'd last been there. As messy as Bobby's place had always been, it somehow really hurt to see the place overgrown and left to rot. Besides, there'd been too many other things to think about at the time. It was much the same now. There was too much to get through to be thinking about how much the world had changed in only a week. So, making sure the Impala was out of sight, Dean got right down to it.

First on the agenda was to get the new lay of the land, to know the ins and outs of the junkyard so he'd have at least one advantage over his opponents when the time came. Once he had a good enough handle on that, the next step was to begin digging his way down to the panic room. That was, of course, assuming it had survived. But that was the point of a goddamn panic room, wasn't it? To hold up through catastrophe?

Much of the burnt out husk of Bobby's house had collapsed in the intervening years, so it wasn't as if he was approaching something at all familiar. It was easier just to think of the heap as another obstacle that needed to be removed. His first task was to get loose masses of excavated rubble piled at the best entrances to the wreckage. Any disturbances of his little traps would alert him when he was out of time.

Clearing enough debris to get the triggers set got him a good portion of the way to where the entrance once sat. Digging the rest of the way to it revealed only another blocked passage that needed excavating. Rather than let himself think about the bad luck, about how it probably meant the panic room hadn't survived and that there was just more junk waiting for him at the end of this road, Dean threw himself into the task at hand. There was nothing else he _could_ do, nowhere he could run that the siren couldn't find him. This was the only hand he had to play, so he would have to play it until it was finished.

Dean didn't pay attention to the time that went by. He just pushed himself on, moving aside wood and dirt and crumbled concrete, ignoring the damage he was doing to his own hands. All he had now was to move forward.

 _This better work. That's all I've gotta say. I've got nothin' else to give you…Cas._

He wasn't sure how much farther he had to go, but he felt certain he was close…at the exact moment he heard the shifting of wreckage overhead and his heart dropped into his stomach.

Quietly setting aside his latest load, Dean crept back up to the main level. He poked his head up just enough to see Cas forcing his way through the rubble, angel blade in hand and eyes gleaming with blood lust. The siren came behind him at a more sedate pace, glancing around the demolished space with a damn smug sneer on its ugly mug.

"Oh, De-ean? Come out, come out, wherever you are," it half-sang, making Dean want to rip off his own ears at what this thing was using _his voice_ to do. "I know you're in here, Dean. Won't you please come out and play? Cas was itching to play the whole way here. The road head could only keep him occupied for so long."

At this, Dean felt a surge of rage spike through him, and knew it was a mistake when he saw the siren's face split into what could only be described as an exultant grin.

"Ooh, my. Such anger, such heartache. Gets me hard just feeling that. Mm, c'mon. _Give it to me, Winchester!_ " it challenged, following as Cas barreled through the room.

 _If it knows where I am, why is it drawing this out? Why the search? Is it just sweetening the deal? What?_ he wondered, eyes narrowing in confusion as he watched Cas move away, toward the path he'd cleared to the back. That was when it clicked in his mind.

The siren _didn't_ know where he was. Its fix on him wasn't exact. During the last few hours, he'd been all over the property with his tangled knot of ugly feelings. The creature's sense of him could get muddled if he could keep a lid on what he was feeling.

Well, if there was one thing he _could_ do, it was bottle up his emotions. He might just be able to make this work for him. Waiting until the two had moved out of sight, Dean crept up from the passageway and slipped out the cleared front way, making his way quickly and quietly out into the scrapyard.

The house had been dark inside, but now he could see that it wasn't much better topside. The sun was sinking fast. There couldn't be much more than a few minutes of proper light left. Well, hopefully he'd gotten enough of a sense of the yard earlier to keep the advantage in the dark.

One or the other must have heard him, though, because it wasn't long before he heard the sounds of pursuit. Scrambling to duck behind a row of junkers, he quickly rolled underneath one of them, keeping an eye out for his pursuer.

When he finally caught a glimpse of Cas running by, he slowed his breathing, trying to let his mind go blank rather than focusing on his fear. He saw the former angel come to a stop beside his hiding place for a moment, spinning in circles before deciding on a direction to follow. Dean didn't even allow himself to breathe a sigh of relief. He just continued to lie perfectly still underneath the rusting old hulk.

The siren hadn't been with Cas, which meant it had gone off searching in a different direction. So it just might be possible evade it. He was just pondering the best way to avoid Cas when an angel blade pierced the ground about an inch from his back.

"Whoa there, Johnny!" Dean shouted as he rolled away from the strike, jumping to his feet the moment he was clear of the car. As he turned to face Cas, he drew his own angel blade, slowly backing away.

"That is not my name," the former angel snarled as he scrambled over the rusted hood of the car. "My name is _Cas_. It is the name that Dean gave to me."

"I _know_ that, Cas. C'mon. It's the name _I_ gave you. It's _me_. Dean. You _gotta_ know me, man. You just gotta."

"You are _not Dean!_ " Cas cried out as he launched himself at the hunter. Dean easily sidestepped the clumsy attack and grabbed him by the wrist, twisting his arm around and holding him from behind.

"Sorry if I'm a disappointment," Dean said as he continued to twist Cas' arm, feeling his eyes begin to burn as his throat tried to tighten up on him. "But I _am_ Dean. I'm the only Dean Winchester there is. Nobody can fake that."

Cas didn't respond to this. He just glowered over his shoulder at Dean, refusing to relinquish his grip on the angel blade, despite the worsening hold the hunter had on him.

"Dammit, Cas!" Dean shouted, wrenching until he actually heard something snap in Cas' arm. His cry of pain immediately caused Dean to let him go, but it also had the desired effect of forcing Cas to drop his weapon. Dean kicked the angel blade away and delivered a hard punch to his jaw. The combination of the two injuries sent Cas to his knees, disoriented.

"Cas, _please,_ " Dean begged again, moving a few more steps back. "I _don't_ want to _fight you!_ "

Cas continued to glare daggers at him as best he was able, wiping blood from a cut on his chin before snarling at him.

"I will _kill you!_ "

When Cas tried to make a grab for his angel blade, Dean moved in again. He laid out several heavy blows with his free hand, driving the former angel back. When one particularly harsh blow connected with Cas' face, one Dean knew would definitely leave a mark, he felt a strong surge of guilt pass through him on remembering that the former angel couldn't take this kind of punishment anymore. Cas was flesh and blood – just like him. He couldn't make himself fight him. Not like this.

Knowing the siren would've been drawn to the strong surges of emotion, Dean quickly retreated to another hiding place – a little stakeout spot beneath a pile of junked car parts. Taking several deep breaths, he fought to keep whatever he was feeling tamped deep down inside, keeping an eye out for the creature while also keeping tabs on Cas.

It didn't take long for the siren to make an appearance, easily sauntering toward its downed victim. It was a struggle for Dean to ignore his anger and jealousy when the creature knelt before Cas and pulled him into its arms.

"Dean," Cas groaned in pain, clinging to the siren with his good arm. "I'm so sorry. I couldn't-"

"Sh, sh, sh," the creature soothed, its face twisted in a mocking sneer. "It's not your fault, baby. He's a disgusting, deceitful creature, but we'll get him in the end."

With that, the monster pulled Cas into a very deep, messy kiss, all tongue and teeth. Dean had to look away, forcing himself to keep his emotions even as he listened to Cas whimper into the kiss. He couldn't deal with this. He'd have to slip away once they'd moved on, make his way back to excavating the panic room. He _needed_ to get in there for this plan to work. He was just plotting the best route back to the house when the siren managed to snare his attention yet again.

"You know what, angel baby? I think I know what'll make you feel better. Blow me, Cas," the creature commanded.

Dean's eyes snapped open at this, his gaze immediately drawn back to the pair standing in the fading light. Cas was already dropping back to his knees before his captor, a look of reverence in his eyes.

No! Plan or no plan, there was _no way_ he could force himself to ignore this. He couldn't just stay hidden while this monster abused Cas like this, and at that, he already knew he'd lost, because the siren shot its smug sneer exactly in his direction, wordlessly telling him it had sensed the intensity of his feelings.

Dean didn't see the movement. Almost before he'd realized it, the creature had moved away from Cas and slithered into his little hiding place, lying right beside him. Dean jerked in surprised anger when the siren ran a hand along his arm.

"You know something, Dean? I think you were right before. Nobody can fake being Dean Winchester. No other man could _hate himself_ quite the same way you do."

Dean pulled away from the siren with a growl. "If you're gonna start in on all that-"

" _Don't_ ," the creature interrupted sharply. "Don't do that. I can literally see what's in your soul. If there's one being on the face of this planet you _cannot_ lie to, it's me."

"Haven't you heard? I'm pretty damn good at that," Dean snapped back at the monster, moving as far from it as he could, which wasn't very far in the small space.

The siren laughed as it stared him down. "Well, I don't suppose I need to _tell_ you about all that ugly self-loathing you've got bound up over there. People don't understand love."

Not seeing what that had to do with anything, Dean raised a confused eyebrow at his enemy. "The hell's _that_ supposed to mean?"

"Think about it. You love that clueless wonder over there, yes?" the siren asked, nodding toward Cas, whom it'd left kneeling in the same position. Dean just growled low in his throat, glaring at the siren. "Heheh, all right, all right. Message received. You love him and he loves you, but you can't think very much of his love if you hate the one thing he loves above all others. _You._ "

Dean felt something inside of him shift as he looked out at Cas. Well, damned if he'd never thought about it like that before. If Cas really felt that much for him, if he loved him as much as Dean loved him, then it was pretty much a slap to the face to do anything less than honor that love.

"Well…shit."

The siren chuckled quietly at his moment of revelation. "You see it now, don't you. Too bad you didn't figure that out until just now. You might've been able to do something with it. Now it's too late."

Dean caught sight of the siren's shape flickering just out of the corner of his eye. When he turned to look at it, he could see it wasn't fully shifting, not exactly – just the occasional fluid shift of pieces. For a moment, Dean's short, light hair would flow into Cas' longer, darker strands. The facial features would swim across the structure beneath, melting easily between two distinct sets of features. Most striking, though, was when the green eyes shifted to the familiar, precious blue of Cas' eyes.

"Don't…don't do this," Dean pleaded helplessly. Even though he _knew_ what was happening, knew just what kind of power the siren had, he still couldn't stop it. He couldn't force himself to look away.

"Come on, Dean. Wouldn't you prefer this?" the siren pressed as it leaned closer, clearly seeking its kiss of death. Its voice was a perfect imitation of Cas' deep growl. "Just slip into my little high. Then you won't know it when Cas kills you. It will be quick and painless. Why not?"

"Why…why…n-" Dean mumbled, struggling for a reason. But just when the monster was about to plant one on his lips, he remembered he did still have one weapon. Wrenching the compact from his jacket, he forced the mirror between them.

The siren hissed, the sight of its true reflection deterring it for only a moment, but just long enough to allow Dean to turn his face away.

"We're not gonna do this," Dean said, keeping his eyes tightly shut and his face turned away. "My last act is _not_ gonna be betraying him. I wanna make a deal."

"A deal, Dean Winchester?" the creature asked, its voice half hiss and half Cas. "What exactly do you have to bargain with? What do you think you have that I could possibly want?"

"A good show," Dean said, still being careful not to look at the siren. "I won't fight. I'll let Cas kill me…and I'll give you a damn good last scene."

"Hmm, and in exchange, I suppose you'll be wanting me not to turn Castiel over to the angels."

"No," Dean said, knowing better than to ask for that. "I just want fifteen minutes. I want…I want to talk to Sammy one more time. Then it's over."

The siren deliberated silently for several long moments before responding. "Why don't I believe you? What are you trying to pull here?"

"Nothing. Maybe I just have a little more faith than you think," Dean said, briefly allowing his eyes to open, glancing out at the real Cas. It wasn't a lie. The creature could tell if he was lying, but it wouldn't know what his exact intentions were.

Again, the siren laughed. "Faith? _You?_ Now I'm curious. Go ahead. Have your fifteen minutes, but when the time's up, I'm sending your angel after you."

Dean nodded, climbing out from under his cover. He glanced at Cas one last time, but the former angel didn't move.

 _Don't worry, Cas. It's gonna be all right. I promise._

Dean pulled his phone out on his way back to the ruined house. Once he'd climbed back down into the gutted underbelly, he dialed Sam's number and put the phone on speaker, sticking it back in his pocket before going back to the task of clearing rubble.

"Dean?" Sam's voice sounded over the speaker after three rings.

"Zeke?" the hunter returned.

"Yes. I am only half an hour away. What is happening?" the angel demanded.

"Fifteen minutes too late, man. 'fraid I might already be a corpse by the time you get here. And I don't want you wasting power to try and bring me back or anything. Sam needs all your power."

"Dean, please. If you could just hold out a little longer-"

"Nothin' doin', Zeke. You said it yourself. We can't torch this motherfucker before we break its influence, and the only way to do that is with Cas' blood, but if I get that, Cas'll be dead anyway. There's no way outta this one…except maybe to shock Cas out of it…and there's only one way to do that."

"You cannot-"

"Don't argue with me. I'm gonna do what I have to now. Don't worry about me. You just get here, and you make sure Cas is all right after…after I'm gone. Don't let anything happen to him," Dean instructed, nearly crying out in relief when he finally managed to dig through to the heavy iron door.

"I won't. I mean to protect _all_ of you. But Dean…why did you contact me? If it was always your intention to go like the lamb to the slaughter, why did you even bother? If I cannot convince you to stay this madness, I-"

"I want to talk to Sammy," Dean interrupted before the angel could go on any more, grunting with effort as he opened the thick door. "You can do that, can't you? Keep control of his body and still let him talk?"

"I _can_ , but he will be very disoriented."

"Doesn't matter. I wanna talk to him. I _need_ to."

Dean could hear the angel hesitating on the other end of the line as he sat down against the wall of the panic room, but Ezekiel ultimately agreed.

"As you wish. Godspeed, Dean Winchester."

"Dean!" Sam's confused voice immediately came over the line. "Wha- what the hell happened? What's going on? I can't see. Where am I? Dean, I-"

"Whoa! Calm down there, Sam," Dean soothed. "What's the last thing you remember?"

"The last…I…I remember you and Cas fighting, but…nothing after that. What happened? Is Cas all right? Are _you_ all right?"

"You don't know if you're ever gonna see again and you're askin' me if _I'm_ all right?" Dean asked with a bitter chuckle, shaking his head as he drew a knee up to his chest.

"Am…am I…"

"No, you're not blind, Sam. I dunno what Cas did exactly, but it was a pretty nasty blow. Dropped you completely. I'm not sure if you can even move yet. I'm glad you woke up, though. I…I wanted to talk to you."

"Dean…what's going on?"

"Well…Cas is gonna be here soon and…there's nothin' I can do to stop him. I'm just hopin' to snap him outta whatever magical mystery tour he's on."

"And…how were you hoping to do that?"

"I think you know, Sammy," Dean said, voice even gruffer than normal.

"No. Dean, no way!" Sam snapped. "You _can't do this!_ There's got to be another option."

"There's not. Y'know…you wanted me to tell Cas something. Can't really say it much clearer than this," Dean said, swallowing back a pained sob as he leaned his head back against the wall.

"Dean… _please_. We just…I can't… _no_ ," Sam's voice choked up, dropping off at the end.

"Cas is gonna be…beatin' himself up pretty bad when this is all over, so…so I want you to promise me something," Dean continued, fighting to keep it together in the face of Sam's anguish.

"Dean…"

"You have to _promise me_ you'll take care of him. I don't want either of you to do anything crazy, so you have to take care of each other…'cuz I'm not gonna be here to do it anymore. I want you both to stay alive. You _have to,_ " he growled.

"We…we'll find a way. We'll get you back…somehow. We'll make a deal-"

"No, no, no. That you _ain't_ gonna do. We don't even know what that whole landscape looks like with Heaven bein' shut up. If you find something that _doesn't_ involve either of you dying, then fine…but I don't think there _is_ anything. So you guys are just gonna have to do without me."

"Dammit, man. Why do you have to do this _now?_ " Sam cried. "We were winning…and you just-"

"I'm doin' it because I _have_ to. There's no other way. I can't just leave him, Sam. Not this time. I…I have to do this…for him. If I can't help him now…then anything I ever claimed to feel is worthless. So Sam…promise me. Promise me you'll take care of Cas for me. I don't want this to be for nothing," he said, voice dropping to a whisper near the end.

"Dean-"

" _PROMISE!_ " Dean thundered over the line, fighting not to completely lose it. "Sam…I'm outta time here. _Please._ I _need_ this."

"All right," Sam's choked voice finally came back over the line. "I promise, okay? I…I promise."

"Okay," Dean returned, breathing a sigh of relief as he let himself rest back against the wall. "Okay. That's it then. We had a damn good run, didn't we."

Dean couldn't wholly identify the sound that came over the line. It was a laugh, but it was tangled up with so much despair and pain and bitter humor, it was difficult to really classify it.

"Sure did. I just…I wish I could see you…one more time."

"Can't help you there, man. You'll pull out of it when you pull out of it. But…baby brother…I just wanted you to know that- that I'm proud of you. I'm proud of _us._ We did some good here," Dean said, really starting to feel his breath hitching in his throat.

"Yeah. Hell yeah. We did good, bro."

"Goodbye, Sammy."

"Dean…goodbye."

Dean hung up almost before Sam had finished, but he did catch those last few words – the last he would ever hear from his brother. And in just a few minutes, he'd be giving his last words to Cas. Hopefully he'd be able to come up with something at least a little comforting, something the former angel would be able to keep with him. Whatever it might be, he didn't want to think about it now. He just wanted his last few moments to himself.

So, facing his end completely alone, Dean Winchester curled in on himself and just cried – cried for all the times in his life he'd dared not, and that he would never have a chance to again.

XxX

Gadreel knew that Dean's final words for his brother hadn't been for his ears, but when Sam Winchester's soul had cried out in anguish, in prayer for a solution – _any_ solution – the angel had taken it as an invitation to intervene. Technically, he was breaking his word to Dean, but if there was ever to be a time to convince Sam that his presence was necessary, that time was now.

So, setting up a space in the younger Winchester's mind for the two of them to meet, Gadreel took on the appearance of his former vessel, hoping to seem less domineering. Sam came to in a space like Bobby Singer's house before it had burned down. Not altering his memory in any way, the angel waited for the hunter to vent a little of his confusion before making an appearance.

"Don't be afraid, Sam Winchester," he said calmly when he appeared in the living room, but of course, Sam still had good cause to panic.

"What's going on here?" Sam demanded as he jumped up. "Who the hell are you? Where am I? I was just…talking to Dean. That…was that _real?_ "

"Yes, it was. Your brother wanted to be able to speak with you before he died. As for where you are, I thought you might find this place a more comforting setting for the conversation we must have," he explained, being careful to make no sudden movements.

"The…what…what's happening?"

"I suppose it's best to begin with introductions. My name is Gadreel, and I am an angel. I have been…sharing your body for the past week."

A look of horror immediately spread across Sam's face as he stared at Gadreel. "You…I'm being possessed again? But _how?_ I didn't give you permission!"

"Yes, Sam. You did. When you were about to go with Death and Dean came to you that last time…that was me. You said yes then."

""But…I didn't…how could you-" Sam spluttered, anger starting to build beneath the surface.

"Sam, before you try to cast me out, please let me explain," Gadreel started, holding out a placating hand, but still being careful not to approach. "After the trials, you were dying. When Dean could get no help from Castiel, he prayed to the fallen angels for help. Others attempted to hunt him down in search of Castiel, but _I_ answered his call for help. I came to try and heal you, but I was and still am weak. I was badly injured in the fall. As badly damaged as your soul was, I had no hope of healing you from without…not before you died. But from within, I would have time, to heal both you and myself."

"So you and Dean tricked me," Sam said with a sneer. "Of course. Why does that not surprise me? Well, that doesn't exactly work for me, so-"

"Please, wait," Gadreel interrupted before he could say the fatal words. "I understand that you are upset, Sam, and I don't blame you. I want you to know that when we are finished here, if you so will it, I will leave. It will kill us both, but I have no business remaining where I am not wanted. I know you were prepared to die in that moment, but that was then. This is now. Your brother is about to die, and he needs our help."

Sam closed his eyes as he sat back down on the couch. A look of intense anguish passed across his face as he sighed in frustration. Gadreel risked taking a few steps closer, but stopped when Sam asked, "Why? Why would you help us? Cas excepting, the angels have only ever thought of us as tools or obstacles. So why now?"

"Because many of us have forgotten what our true purpose is. Dean gave me a chance to answer to that cause once again. When I thought of…trying to run and hide again, it was his willingness to die for Castiel – for his love – that made me decide to return to try and help him."

"But…why would you need to hide?" Sam asked.

"Aside from willingly helping some of Heaven's most wanted?" Gadreel asked with a raised eyebrow. "I must confess that I wasn't perfectly honest with Dean. I introduced myself to him as Ezekiel…because…I have been imprisoned in Heaven for many millennia. I was the soldier assigned to guard Eden, to prevent evil from entering…but I failed. Evil came anyway, and I was punished for that. When the angels were banished, I, too, was cast out. At first, I thought of nothing but hiding from my brothers. They would surely have killed me if they'd learned that I had been freed. It…was not wise for me to answer Dean's prayer, but his plea was so desperate, I found I could not help myself. I wanted to do what I could," he confessed.

"And…you're really going to just put yourself back in the line of fire now?" Sam asked him. "Why?"

"For the longest time, I sat in prison, thinking of nothing but redemption. I thought of no cause but my own, no one but myself, but the three of you made me realize something," he began to explain, moving to sit beside Sam on the couch. "That your own cause is worth nothing if you are alone. The only thing truly worth fighting for is life…life and love. I see now why I had to be punished for allowing that to be jeopardized. My redemption is my own, and I no longer mean to let it control me. It will not prevent me from carrying out my true mission – protecting what God loved. I am yours to command, Sam Winchester. What is to be our next move?"

For a long while, Sam just sat there, not looking at him. Gadreel didn't dare prod at his thoughts for fear of what he might see, but on the face the younger hunter presented to him, there was a mix of amazement, resignation, anger, heartbreak, relief, and desperation. When he finally seemed to gather himself, he offered the angel a disbelieving smile.

"Y'know…in any other situation, I'm pretty sure I would've been mad as hell. I would've tossed you out on your ass and not thought twice about letting us both die, but…what you said just now, you're right. None of us is bigger than a fight like that. I asked for a miracle. I guess I got one. Dean needs you. You really think you can save him?"

"If we can get there in time, then yes. With you aware of my presence, I will not need to waste effort concealing myself. I will have the necessary power to bring him back…should it come to that. But we must get there in time. If he remains dead too long, I will not have enough power to reclaim his soul."

"Then let's do this," Sam said, holding his hand out to Gadreel.

"Yes," the angel said, smiling in relief as he took the offered hand, combining their intentions into one. If he were honest, he'd never truly expected to feel this kind of joy again – the happiness of having someone trust him once more. He had said he was prepared to take his redemption in his own hands, but Sam had played a bigger part in it than the human was ever likely to know. That one extended hand, that one instant of trust, so important – all in one moment, Sam Winchester had given him back his life, and he had no intention of wasting it ever again.

 _Don't worry, Dean. We're coming. Just hold on._

XxX


	4. Chase the Morning

**A Song in Silence**

 _Chapter 4: Chase the Morning_

Dean was ready when Cas and the siren came after him. There was no way that monster wouldn't be able to follow all that wishy-washyness right to him. So when he saw Cas begin to make his way down the small corridor, the siren in its newly resumed Dean shape, he was standing upright with his angel blade in hand, ready to face whatever might come.

The siren laughed as it watched Cas step through to the panic room, unable to move any further itself, but still amused.

"Just what did you think would happen?" the creature asked as it crossed its arms over its chest, sneering at Dean. "Did you think Cas wouldn't be able to get to you? Did you forget? He isn't an angel anymore."

"No. I didn't forget. That was kinda the point," Dean said, not looking at the siren as he and Cas began to circle each other. "I wanted to talk to you…Cas."

"There will be no talking. You will die tonight," Cas said sternly, drawing his own weapon as the two of them continued to circle. Dean kept his blade in hand, but he didn't hold it in a defensive position, just kept it pointed downward as they moved.

"Yeah, I know. I've pretty much come to terms with that. And if it's what you want, I'm not gonna stop you. If it's for you, if it's so you can live…I don't mind dying. But there's still one thing I gotta do before I go that road."

"And what is that?" Cas asked, moving forward to take a stab at him, which Dean easily sidestepped, moving away and continuing the circling movement. Cas followed suit.

"I want you to know it's not your fault," Dean said gently, keeping his focus on Cas. "I know you're still in there, Cas, and I know you can hear me…somewhere in there. And I guess if this is my last chance to say it, I may as well get it out."

"You said you wouldn't fight, Dean," the siren reminded him, examining its nails as if in boredom. "This sounds an awful lot like fighting to me."

"Cool your freakin' jets," Dean snapped at the creature, glaring at it out of the corner of his eye. "A man's got a right to his last words."

"Speak then," Cas said as he came to a standstill across the space from Dean, lowering his angel blade slightly, "so that we might get this over with faster."

"Heh, yeah, sum up years of wantin' and beatin' around the damn bush. That'll be nice and easy," Dean ribbed. "Cas…you said you knew right away. I don't think I did. I didn't know until…'til I lost you, when you closed up Purgatory…and even then I didn't really admit it to myself, not until I found you down there. I knew I didn't ever wanna lose you again. But then the whole angel tablet business started and I just figured…I thought someone like you should never want anything to do with someone like me. Everything I touch goes bad. I don't know why. I didn't want to see that happen to you, so I just went on ignoring it. Figured it would be enough just to be beside you…even if it could never be anything else. I know you're gonna hate yourself for this when you wake up, but I don't want you to blame yourself for this for one goddamn minute. I don't want you thinkin' I threw my life away because I thought it didn't matter. I know better now. My life's the most priceless thing I have to offer… _because_ it means something. I'm _giving it_ to you…because I love you. Do you hear me, Cas…Castiel?" he asked, feeling his throat begin to tighten up against the ache in his heart. " _I love you._ "

As far as death went, Dean Winchester could definitely say he'd had worse. Really, he'd died in just about every way known to man. To feel the cool metal of the angel blade slide through his gut was almost…a relief. It was also a relief to see the obsessed anger fade from Cas' blue eyes. What wasn't a relief was to see those same eyes widen in shock as they came to.

"Dean," Cas whispered in horror. "No…you're not…I didn't…oh, God… _what have I done?_ "

"It's all right, Cas," Dean returned, grunting in pain as the former angel pulled the blade from his body. "It's all right."

Cas caught him in his good arm as they both slumped to their knees. Only the feel of that arm holding him kept him upright.

"No…Dean, please," Cas begged him, his breath coming in short, sharp bursts as his eyes quickly grew red. "Please…don't die. _Don't die._ "

"Hey…don't worry about me. It's gonna be okay," Dean choked out, already feeling the cold and the dark closing in around him. While he could still see Cas in front of him, he pressed his own angel blade against the other man's chest – a blade he'd pressed to Cas' shoulder wound the moment he'd stabbed him in order to collect a few prized drops of blood. "Gank that sonuvabitch for me, huh?"

Cas didn't take the blade, though. He simply let it clatter to the floor between them. He didn't want to waste one precious moment of holding Dean in his arms.

"Please don't go…Dean," Cas pleaded as tears began to trickle down his face. "What- what will I do?"

"You'll be all right. Already told you…this was my choice…because I love you," Dean whispered, using the last of his strength to capture Cas' lips in a blood-tinged kiss. As he collapsed against the former angel, he continued to whisper against his tear-stained face, "I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you."

He said the words until he could no longer draw breath to whisper. He exhaled one last declaration – and his breathing did not resume.

Cas just knelt there on the floor of the panic room for several moments, holding Dean's limp body, unable to absorb the enormity of the loss. Only when he was unable to hold Dean up any longer and he crashed to a sitting position cradling the dead hunter against him did his heart finally break.

" _NOO!_ " he screamed in agony, clinging to Dean for all he was worth. He remembered hearing tell once that only humans could feel true sorrow, and only now did he understand the truth of those words, holding the man he loved in his arms – dead by his own hand.

"Dean," he whispered gruffly, running gentle fingers through the hunter's short hair, "call my name one more time. Just one more time… _please._ "

But Dean remained still and lifeless in his embrace. No pithy come back, no impossible miracle. Just death – and it was _his fault._

Cas didn't know how long he sat like that, lost in his despair, but he was ultimately drawn back to the even sharper pain of reality by the sound of the siren's cruel laughter.

"You see now, Castiel? I _told_ you you would choose this. This is what your free will has given you – nothing but pain. Are you ready to end it?"

He was. He couldn't possibly go lower. He had allowed himself to be used to murder Dean. There was no reason left to go on living – nothing but to be punished for this most grievous of sins, to die and pay for the life that had been taken. Castiel was ready, but when he turned to look at the siren, something gelled in his brain.

The monster was still standing on the other side of the door, unable to enter the panic room. It couldn't get to him. It was counting on his grief and despair to drive him back to the other side, and it would've been right – _was_ – but that the small moment made the former angel realize something.

 _Dean did this to protect me. He made it so that I would be safe from this creature in my most vulnerable moment…and I was about to fail him again._

As the revelation swept through him, Cas' eyes fell to the floor, to the angel blade painted with his own blood, and he felt rage stiffen his spine.

 _No. Not again. Not this time._

Gently laying Dean's body down on the cold floor of the panic room, Cas closed the hunter's eyes before pressing a tender kiss to his forehead.

"I won't fail you, Dean. I _will_ see this through."

XxX

Sam ran the rest of the distance to the abandoned auto yard, but when he heard the sound of Cas' broken scream from just outside the burnt out house, he knew they'd come too late.

"Dean…no," he whispered, dropping to his knees.

 _Rise, Sam. Don't give up yet,_ Gadreel pressed at the back of his mind. _We may yet have time._

"Right," Sam said, steeling himself as he got back to his feet. When he managed to stumble his way into the ruined house and down to the panic room, it was to find the siren taunting Cas, who was cradling Dean's body against his chest.

"Hey! Loser!" Sam snarled to get the creature's attention, fighting to keep his focus on it and not on the sight of one of his closest friends holding his brother's dead body.

The siren turned to face him with a pleased smirk on its face. "Ah, what do we have here? The littlest angel come back for another round?"

"Damn right, bitch."

"Well, this makes my life that much easier. Now I won't have to go looking for you. You know, I was actually considering letting you live. You might have remained safe if you'd stayed away. After all, I couldn't say how much longer I can persuade Castiel to trail after me. I'll put him back under when he joins us, of course, but, well, the venom's just not as powerful the second time around. It will be just enough, I think, to get him to Bartholomew. Then the three of you will be dead and I'll be set for life," the creature said, continuing to smirk as it crossed its arms casually over its chest. Dean smirked often enough, but on this stolen face, Sam just found the expression repulsive.

"You don't watch a lot of Bond, do you," Sam said with a shake of his head.

"What? You mean for revealing my evil plan? What was left to reveal that you didn't already know? Besides, it's not a matter of being _close_ to winning here. I _have_ won," the monster said, an excited gleam lighting in its stolen eyes as it threw its arms wide.

"Not yet, you haven't. You haven't won until you take Cas out of here, and if you want to do that, you're going to have to go through us," Sam reminded it.

The siren raised an eyebrow, its features twisting in amusement. "Oh? So it's _us_ now, is it? United we stand and all that. Well, angel or no, I don't know what you think you can do to stop me. There are a lot of painful heart's desires hidden in that cranium, all of which could be used to… _devastating_ effect," the creature said as its features began to melt and shift.

Hesitating in a moment of abject _fear_ , Sam took a step back, and in that moment Gadreel stepped in to take the reins.

"We haven't time to waste on your chatter, monster," the angel spat. "Your power will do you no good against an angel. There is nothing your physical body can provide that I desire."

The siren shook its head as its features continued to shift. "Oh, I wouldn't be too confident of that, angel. You see, _everyone_ wants something. Your high and mighty mind's just thinking too small. You think I'm limited to carnal desire. No. You're not really all that different from a human. You're capable of wishing for anything you think you want, and _I'm_ capable of manifesting that want. In your case…it's _trust,_ " the creature finished, and on its final note, the transformation into Sam Winchester was completed. For a moment, all the angel could do was stare at it in confusion.

"I…I do not…"

"This man represents trust for you. Sam Winchester gave you what you needed most at a crucial turning point in your life. You could never turn on him, could you," the siren said, more as a statement of fact than as a question.

It was good that Gadreel would never have to give voice to such an answer, because he honestly had no idea what it might have been. Before the siren could advance on him, an angel blade was thrust violently through its back. The creature cried out in pain as its features began to flicker rapidly between Sam and Dean. With a look of shock on its shifting face, it looked down to see the blade protruding through its chest.

"Cas… _why?_ " it hissed out in a perfect imitation of Dean's voice, barely managing to hold the elder Winchester's form – a final stab at the former angel's fragile soul. When Gadreel caught sight of Castiel's face over the siren's shoulder, his eyes were red with tears, but they burned with a pain and fury an angel could have hardly contained, let alone a human.

"You…killed Dean," he cried out, tears pouring down his face, "and you did it using _my hands!_ You _monster!_ "

The creature managed one last laugh before finally settling in Dean's form. "That's- kinda the point… _Cas,_ " it spat out.

With an anguished cry, Cas gave the blade one final twist and the monster gasped out its last breath, that same ugly sneer still twisting its stolen features as it slipped from the end of the blade.

Both angel and former angel looked away from the dead creature in disgust. When Gadreel's eyes met Castiel's, the anger had left them. Only the sorrow remained as the once proud soldier wept openly.

"Sam…I'm _so sorry,_ " he choked out. "I c- couldn't fight it. I didn't mean to-"

"There will be time enough later," Gadreel said as he moved past his fallen brother, quickly going to kneel at Dean's side. "We must move quickly if we are to call him back. More time than I would like has elapsed."

"E- Ezekiel?" Castiel mumbled in shock, moving to kneel at Dean's other side, looking at him through Sam's eyes as if he could still see his true face. Gadreel didn't answer him, though. He just put his energies toward reclaiming the elder Winchester's soul from the Veil.

Cas fell silent, giving the angel space to work. Could it be…that the Winchesters could perform one more miracle? He hardly dared to hope. If this hope were snatched away, it would well and truly destroy him. Rather than give himself to hope or despair, Cas just knelt there. As his brother worked, the former angel reached to take one of Dean's still hands in his, praying silently to the only thing he still believed in.

 _Dean…please don't leave me. Come back. I love you._

XxX

To his credit, Dean was only mildly confused when he suddenly found himself in Stull Cemetery.

"So what's the deal here, you asshole jokers?" Dean demanded of whoever was listening. "This your idea of Hell? Huh?! You must not know who you've got here! 'Cuz I've had _way_ worse than this!"

If it wasn't Heaven and it wasn't Hell, then what was going on here?

"Yes, I'm aware you've experienced worse," an unpleasantly familiar voice finally responded to him. "In fact, with your tendency to draw attention to yourself, I'm quite certain the whole of creation is aware that Dean Winchester suffers quite constantly."

"Well," Dean started as he turned to face the voice's owner – the final Horseman of the Apocalypse. "If it isn't my old buddy, Death. So what is this? A half way house?"

The horseman just eyed him with his typical unimpressed gaze. "Certainly not. I assure you, my boy, you are quite dead. You were never bound for Hell and with Heaven being…out of commission, as it were, I've been forced to make other arrangements."

"What do you mean?"

"Metatron did more than cast the angels from Heaven during his little episode. He sealed it up completely. My reapers have been unable to carry souls to Heaven. But you I see fit to keep close at hand," Death explained.

"Why?" Dean pressed.

"As a start, you have certainly earned your reprieve from the mess God's little gopher has made of things. Why do you think I came for you personally, as I did with Sam? As much of a nuisance as you've sometimes proven to be, you _have_ earned my respect, if nothing else," he explained as he began to move through the graves.

"And?" Dean pressed, hesitating a moment before following him.

"And, Dean?" Death asked without looking back at him.

"You said 'as a start'. That means there's another reason. What is it?" he continued to press as he fell into step beside the horseman.

"Well, if I'm to be perfectly honest, it will be made much easier to keep an eye on your…shenanigans…from this vantage point," he said slowly, as if the word left a bad taste in his mouth.

Dean raised an eyebrow. "Shenanigans?"

"There's really no other word for it. Always you seem to be throwing a proverbial wrench into the proper order of things."

"Well, 'scuse me for not much likin' the hand I always seem to get dealt," Dean fired back.

"Don't misunderstand me, Dean Winchester. You have my applause, but you _do_ tend to be a bit of a headache. I'm not certain I'm of a mind to _let_ you go back."

" _Let_ me?" Dean asked, stopping short. "What do you mean? They can't bring me back this time."

Death moved a few more steps ahead before coming to a stop, shaking his head. "That isn't so. They're trying to reach you even now. But this isn't like your brother. Sam was only dying. You _are dead,_ Dean Winchester," the horseman said firmly as he turned to look at him. "You are in _my hands_ now, and no matter what the angel does, the decision of whether or not you return to life is mine alone to make."

 _Dammit, Zeke, I told you not to do this._

"One thing I will say of you, though, is that you finally seem to have divined the true purpose of the ultimate sacrifice," Death pointed out, leading Dean to remember that last look on Cas' face – the last thing he'd seen.

"Guess so," he said with a pained sigh, "and I learned it from a damn monster of all things. Aw, hell, I just wish…"

"Yes?" Death prompted when he didn't finish.

"Y'know what? No. It doesn't matter anymore. Not here. Not now. I said what I needed to say. It's done," he said, feeling a twinge in his heart as he looked out over the endless field of graves. He wasn't sure if he really felt that, but he knew he'd need to convince himself of it when Ezekiel tried to pull him back.

"Hmm," the horseman started with a raise of his eyebrows. "I'm almost surprised. To hear such a mature attitude from you, I mean. Almost from the moment of your birth, you've done nothing but fight. It's not in your nature to do anything less than go down fighting, and even then, it's hardly a guarantee you will _stay_ down. But here at the last, you say you are ready to lay down your arms? Though…I suppose the setting more than speaks for itself," he finished with a non-committal shrug.

"And what's _that_ supposed to mean?"

"I do not choose the setting in which I come to those I collect. That comes from you alone. For most souls, a cemetery would be a setting of peace, a place for their everlasting rest, but you…this particular cemetery is the sight of your greatest battle," the reaper said, indicating the entire expanse with a grand sweep of his hand. "It is hardly the setting of a mind at peace. Perhaps you _say_ you are ready, but the state of your soul says otherwise."

Dean might have argued, might've said just about anything under the sun to prove his case, except that was the moment the Impala suddenly seemed to appear in the parking lot – and Sam along with it.

" _Dean!_ " he called out to him in near panic.

"Sammy?" Dean called back in confused shock.

His brother shook his head. Dean growled in frustration. "What the hell, Zeke? I'm pretty sure I told you not to do anything stupid! You _can't_ waste that power on me! Sam needs it!" he shouted at him across the distance between them, which already seemed to be a little bit wider than when the angel had first appeared.

"That isn't so. I've informed Sam of my presence and he's consented to it. I have strength enough for this. He just wants to save your life, Dean. Please! I've come to take you back! There is still time!"

Dean didn't actually take a step toward the angel, but something must have indicated to Death that he was going to, because the horseman put a hand on his shoulder, sending a wave of chilling warmth through him. It was a sense of peace – _eternal_ peace.

"No," the reaper whispered in his ear. "Neither creation nor I have more time to give you. You are _mine._ Rest. Just rest."

"Zeke…Sammy," he called out to them weakly, "I'm tired. I'm _so tired._ I did what I had to…for Cas. I just wanna rest."

"If I truly believed it was you speaking, I would allow it, but from what I know of you, I can _not_ believe it. There is still so much good you can do. _Please,_ Dean. With every moment, the gulf widens. Soon neither of us will be able to cross it. We must return _now!_ " he shouted, reaching out a hand to him. Dean wanted to reach out and grab that hand. _God,_ he wanted to, but it was just so far away, and he was _so tired._

"Zeke," Dean tried again, practically asleep on his feet, "Sam promised…he'd take care of Cas for me. You're all…gonna be fine."

"Dean!" the angel was so far away now, Dean could barely hear him. "I know what was promised, but it will do no good! You _must_ come back! Castiel will not survive without you!"

"Cas…" he mumbled sleepily, fingers curling, but unable to reach forward.

Somewhere in the distance, he saw Zeke's hand shift, as if to press something toward him instead of take his hand. The angel closed his eyes and tilted his head back and all at once, Dean saw it all in his mind's eye. He saw Zeke kneeling next to his body, working feverishly to bring him back. He could feel Sam at the angel's back, praying to lend strength to his flickering power. And last of all, he saw Cas at his side, clutching a pale hand in his, sobbing openly as Zeke struggled. The angel grunted briefly in pain as the ever-widening gap pushed back against him.

"What's happening? What's wrong?" Cas demanded.

"Death is stubborn. He is unwilling to relinquish what is his."

"Dean…"

"Castiel, you must speak to him."

"What- what do I say?"

" _Anything._ Just keep him here. Keep him from going. He will hear you. I promise."

"Dean," Cas whispered as he looked down at him again, clutching his hand all the tighter. "You said…that you loved me. You cannot know how long I've wanted to hear those words from your lips…how I've longed to share with you what I feel. I didn't know…that an emotion like this could exist before I knew you. All I knew was devotion to duty, but then I gripped your hand in that darkness. I held you to me and for the first time, I knew light. The stories will always claim that _I_ was the one to shatter the darkness for you, but they'll always have it wrong. It was the other way around. It was you. _You_ brought light to the darkness…and I never had the chance to tell you that. But I'm here with you now, Dean. We're here together. Take my hand now," he pleaded with him, raising his cold hand to his lips and pressing a kiss to each finger. "Come back with us. There's still time. You _can't leave me,_ Dean Winchester, not until I tell you how I feel. So please wake up… _wake up_ …so I can tell you. Please…don't go," he begged, tears flowing freely down his face as he cradled Dean's hand tenderly against his cheek.

"Cas," he exhaled the name on a tremulous breath, then stronger as he felt life flood back into him. " _Cas!_ "

All at once, the distance between them closed and Dean was gripping Ezekiel's hand tightly in his own, anchoring him firmly to life – except Death still had a hold of him.

"I must say," the horseman began, chuckling in a deprecating manner, "you certainly are persistent. I didn't believe for one moment that all the fight had _really_ gone out of you."

"Please," Dean begged quietly, not turning to look back at the reaper for fear he'd just fall right back under his spell. "I have to go back. He _needs me_. _They_ need me."

"On a personal level, I will say that I find you annoying, Winchester. I don't imagine you will _ever_ accept that you cannot fight Death, as much as I'm of a mind to _prove_ that to you," he said, his grip on him tightening for a moment. But then, slowly – infinitesimally – it began to loosen. "However, from a more practical standpoint, I concede that it may well only be the four of you working together that will be able to undo what has been done. This cannot go on. You should be flattered, Dean. It is not often I have considered someone of enough importance to turn them aside. Go back," he declared, finally relinquishing his hold on the hunter.

Ezekiel wasted no time. He gripped Dean tightly to him as he pulled him back through the Veil, immediately collapsing when the two of them came crashing back to the mortal plane.

Dean's eyes snapped open as air rushed back into his lungs. He blinked several times, head starting to jerk around until his eyes found Cas.

"H- hey," he mumbled breathlessly as he looked up at the former angel. Before he could get anything else out, Cas was suddenly throwing his arms around him, holding him as tightly as he possibly could, even with his broken arm.

"Dean," Cas whispered as he buried his face in the hunter's neck. "You were dead, Dean. You…your heart stopped."

"It's okay," Dean soothed, slowly sitting up, but still keeping a hold of Cas. "It's all right now. I'm here. I'm not goin' anywhere."

"I'm sorry," Cas cried against him, gradually soaking his shirt with tears. "I'm _so sorry._ Can you ever forgive me…for what I did to you?"

"Nothin' to forgive," Dean said, tears burning at his own eyes as he clung to the man in his arms. "It wasn't your fault," he finished before pressing a hesitant kiss to the top of Cas' head. And again, almost before he was aware of what was happening, Cas had turned his head up and captured Dean's lips with his own, kissing him deeply. Unlike their first kiss, flavored with the coppery tang of blood, this kiss was flavored with the salt of Cas' tears; and when Cas pulled back from him, he could see they weren't just tears of pain anymore.

Even though tears continued to pour down the former angel's cheeks, his face was split by a relieved smile. After a few moments of just staring into Dean's eyes, a weird sort of laugh began to shake Cas' shoulders.

"You're alive!" Cas cried out, both crying and laughing as he pulled Dean into his arms again. "You came back!"

"Had to," Dean said, running his hands up and down Cas' back. "Seriously, leave you bitches alone for five minutes and look what happens. What would you guys do without me?"

"You're…really okay?" Sam's voice suddenly joined the conversation. Dean looked to the side to see his brother slowly sitting up, a look of worry still on his face.

"Yeah, man. I'm fine. Now get over here before I change my mind."

Sam didn't need to be told twice. He quickly pulled his brother and friend into a gigantic bear hug. "Dammit, Dean!" he swore, voice verging on tears himself. "We really need to stop doing this."

"Y'know, I'm actually good with it," Dean grunted, now at the mercy of two hugs. "It's only gonna be a problem if any of us ever decide not to come back, and that, well…that's just bullshit."

"Perhaps in slightly less vulgar vernacular…yes. That is something I can agree with," Cas said, loosening his hold a little as he rested his head against Dean's chest.

"And thanks, Zeke," Dean called out, "wherever you're hidin' in that thick melon."

"Ah…about that," Sam started as he pulled back from the group hug, running a hand awkwardly through his long hair. "Bit of a funny story…"

XxX

If coming back from the dead were an everyday occurrence, one would imagine one would be advised to rest after the fact – avoid making important decisions, no operating heavy machinery or driving, that sort of thing. For Castiel and the Winchesters, though, it _was_ somewhat of a more commonplace occurrence, and as any one of them would say, there _were_ no rules. No sleeping it off, no keeping the afflicted area elevated, no 'take two and call me in the morning.' No. There was only getting back on your feet and getting back to your life.

As such, Dean would allow no one else to get behind the wheel of the Impala. If that bastard of a horseman had let him go because he needed him to be doing what he did best, ganking assholes and taking names, then that was what he'd do. That started with being on the road in Baby. Sam was riding shotgun, even though he'd tried to convince Cas to take the spot next to Dean. The former angel had insisted it was Sam's place. In the end, it had turned out to work for the best, as Cas had spent most of the drive back to Lebanon passed out over the backseats.

"We sure we wanna do this?" Dean asked as they pulled up to the bunker. "I mean, who knows how long it's gonna take."

"I think it's our best option right now. With the angels still hunting Cas, it's better if he doesn't stay in one place too long. There's no guarantee we can keep him safe here. To be honest, I don't know if he can handle another shakedown like what we just went through. He's…fragile…right now, Dean," Sam pointed out.

"Yeah. I know," he returned quietly, stealing a brief glance over his shoulder at the sleeping man, glad to see him peaceful, even if it was only for a little while. Gadreel had healed the damage from their earlier fight, but Dean knew he'd never really be able to shake the sight of Cas, beaten and bloody. He would never be able to unsee that. Naïve as he could be, Cas had always been strong in Dean's eyes. Now the former angel was the one who needed protecting, and Dean was willing to provide that protection – no matter what. In this case, it meant he and Cas would be going on the road while Sam and Kevin continued to search for some kind of solution to the Metatron problem.

"Besides, who knows? Gadreel might be of some help with all this. Both with the tablet and with keeping Crowley under lockdown," Sam pointed out, reminding him of the demon king they currently had trussed up in their basement.

"Right, and…you're sure you're okay with all this? With Gadreel, I mean," Dean asked, raising an eyebrow at his brother. He was still more than a little miffed that the angel had outright _lied_ to him. "Wouldn't be the first time a dick bag lied to get into somebody's pants."

Sam gave an amused chuckle at that one. "Y'know, I hadn't thought of it like that. I guess you guys didn't really talk the way we did. He didn't lie to be cruel. He did it because he wanted another chance, a chance nobody had been willing to give him. He's on our team now, for better or worse."

Dean might have said more about the angel playing house in Sam's head, but if Sam was really okay with it all and wasn't pissed about the _how_ of how he and Gadreel had saved his life, he certainly wasn't going to press too hard. Plus, that was the moment he heard Cas begin to stir in the back. When he looked over his shoulder again, it was to see Cas blinking sleepily up at him.

"Dean," the former angel mumbled, voice even gruffer with sleep as he reached a hand out for him. Dean reached his own hand back to take Cas', smiling reassuringly.

"Mornin', Sleeping Beauty. Sleep well?"

For a moment, a disquiet look settled on Cas' face – almost as if the words had triggered something. Whatever it might have been, though, he managed to shake it off with yet another dazed mumble. "It isn't- morning yet," he said haltingly.

Dean shook his head with a small laugh. "No. It's just one of those things people say. Did you get in a good nap back there?"

"Yes," he answered, briefly squeezing Dean's hand and smiling tiredly up at him. "Waking up this time was- infinitely better than last time."

"Good to know."

"Well, I think I'm gonna go ahead and head down," Sam suddenly said, unbuckling and opening the car door. "You guys gonna stop in before you take off? Maybe get something to eat?"

"Probably. You go ahead. We'll be down in a little bit," Dean said.

"Right. It's good to have you back, Cas," Sam said before climbing out of the Impala and heading down to the bunker door.

"So what do you think of this Gadreel bastard?" Dean asked Cas as he slowly sat up in the backseat, keeping hold of Dean's hand all the while.

"I am…uncertain. Under normal circumstances, I would not be inclined to trust him, but…I owe him a debt that can never be repaid. He brought you back to me."

"Yeah," Dean agreed with a sigh. "Kinda hard to argue with the guy who brought you back from the dead."

"You do," Cas pointed out. "On several occasions I could name, you've argued with _me._ "

"Well, that's different. You're a special case. Now I don't know about you, but I'd like to get some food in me before we start on our epic road trip, so we-"

"Dean," Cas interrupted before the hunter could let go of his hand. "I want to say something."

Dean looked back at the angel with worry, afraid of the direction this conversation could go. "You sure you wanna talk about it tonight? I mean, we just got out of a major shit show back there."

Cas nodded, holding his hand and his gaze firmly. "Now. If I do not speak these words tonight…I fear I never will again. I wanted to tell you how I feel, and that- _creature_ …stole my words from me."

"Cas, you don't- you don't have to say anything. I know none of that was your fault," Dean tried to reassure him.

"It isn't- it's not that. Just let me finish this," Cas pleaded, to which Dean just nodded, letting him know he wasn't going to interrupt again. "I said…that I knew from the start. That's true. I don't think it's- _completely_ true that it just took me a long time to figure it out. I understood when I first regained my memory following the leviathan incident. I understood _why_ I had risked so much in the bid for Purgatory. I wanted to keep _you_ safe…from my brothers…from Heaven, but it was only when I saw what I had _done_ in my God state that I understood- what I could do to _you_ …the harm I could cause. Too easily I could destroy the one thing I wanted to protect. That was why I ran from you, why I ignored the love blossoming in your heart, why I was going to return to Heaven and remove myself from your life. Like you, I…I didn't want to see you destroyed because of me…and it ended up happening anyway. I was such a fool," Cas said, tears beginning to slip from his eyes again as he pulled Dean's hand to his lips. Dean watched, half in confusion and half in amazement, as the former angel pressed a loving kiss to the palm of his hand. He did this several more times before continuing.

"Maybe…things could have been different if I'd come to you before…if I'd told you how I felt then, but we can never know. It doesn't matter. Without my grace, earthbound as I am, I see that all we have is now. So _right now_ , with no mind to the sins of the past or hope for a better future, I just want to say…that I love you, Dean. With everything I am, whatever that may be, I _love you._ "

Dean wasn't really sure who initiated the kiss, or when exactly it was that he'd crawled over the seat to end up in the back with Cas, but both felt so natural, he couldn't be certain they'd ever _not_ just been facts of existence. He'd wanted this too long to question any of it, so when Cas pushed his jacket from his shoulders, he pulled the former angel onto his lap and covered his mouth with his own in earnest, trying to get several years' worth of kisses into just a few moments.

"Dean," Cas groaned after a couple minutes of this intense making out, "I…I want you…to make love to me," he gasped out, reaching for the hem of the hunter's shirt.

"Hey, you- you sure?" Dean asked him, reaching for his hands to slow him down a little. He tangled his fingers together with Cas' as he looked into his eyes, searching for any signs of uncertainty, but there was nothing that he could see. "You went through something serious yesterday. I don't want you to feel like you have to-"

"I'm sure, Dean. I almost lost you and I…I just don't want to let this night go. But…if _you'd_ rather not-" he started hesitantly.

"Oh, no. _Hell_ no. Don't be thinkin' anything _like_ that," Dean interrupted before he could say anything else, unable to stand that kicked puppy look on Cas' face. "You don't even know how long I've wanted to make those angel wings flap. I just want _you_ to be sure. People treat it like it's not a big deal. It is," he said, reaching forward to gently stroke the other man's face.

"I know, but you don't have to worry. I want this," Cas reassured him, smiling as he briefly turned his head to the side to press another kiss to Dean's palm. "Besides, I'd be lying if I said I hadn't often fantasized about being taken on the backseat of this car."

"Well, then…your wish is my command," Dean said quietly after several moments, leaning forward to undo the buttons on Cas' shirt, and with every button, he pressed a kiss to the bared skin beneath. Each time, Cas let out a soft gasp at the sensation, and every sound went straight to Dean's groin, making him harder by the minute. By the time he reached Cas' belt buckle, it was pretty obvious the other man was reacting just as fiercely. When Dean drew himself back up to slip the shirt from Cas' body, he took a moment to lean in and kiss the underside of the man's jaw, unable to help grinning at the feel of the stubble there. It wasn't a sensation he was used to, but because it was Cas, he found it was yet another turn on.

Castiel, for his part, had never experienced anything quite like this. He knew he would easily forget his time with the siren after tonight, but even if he couldn't, that first exposure hadn't been anything like what he was experiencing now. The siren had played on darker fantasies, things he'd hardly dared to consider in his conscious mind. This intimacy he was experiencing with Dean, it was tender and loving, almost exultant in its nature. He could feel Dean's care for him in every touch, every kiss, every press of skin against skin, and he did his best to return that adoration with each touch of his own. He wanted Dean to know how happy he was every moment they were together.

Dean knew. Cas was an open book, always had been, and he could see the joy in the other man's eyes every time he looked into them – now that he _could_ look, didn't have to be afraid of what he might see. Every chance he had, he looked into those eyes, kissed them, felt how happy he could make the other man. This wasn't just a onetime thing. It was forever.

The hunter knew that most people didn't think about the fundamental discomfort of getting it on in the backseat of a car. Mostly they just thought about how sexy it sounded. It wasn't as if the situation was one thing or the other, though. There were moments of both – the awkwardness of getting their clothing all the way off in the confined space combined with the absolute turn on Dean experienced every time Cas gasped or called out his name. The point was that it ultimately wasn't awkward. All that filled Dean's head by the time he'd gotten Cas laid out naked over the backseat was the sight of his smile, the radiance in his eyes, and the easy sound of his laugh mixed with his small noises of desire.

Cas didn't last long once they'd started moving together. It took Dean only a few thrusts between his thighs before he was half-screaming, crying out at the intensity of the sensation as the orgasm broke over him in sudden waves. Dean grunted at the slick feel of Cas' release pulsing between their bodies. As he continued to move, Cas clung to him, panting and near whimpering at each new feeling of pleasure.

It didn't take Dean all that much longer to come. Just a few more minutes of thrusting and he was right up there with Cas, giving a prolonged moan as he spilled between the former angel's legs.

Neither man was really aware of just how long they lay like that, tangled up in each other and trying to remember how to breathe, but when Dean finally managed it, he lifted his head a little and dropped a kiss on the top of Cas' head.

"How we doin'?"

"It was…a revelation," was the only word Cas could pull from his sex-addled mind as he cuddled even closer against Dean.

"Heh, I'll take it. Guess you're finally not gonna die a virgin, angel wings."

Cas shook his head. "I'm no angel. Not anymore."

Dean shrugged before trailing a line of kisses along Cas' ear. "Doesn't matter. You're always gonna be _my_ angel," he said before drawing Cas into another kiss, feeling the other man sigh in contentment.

Dean knew they weren't going to make it inside, so he just reached for his discarded jacket and pulled it over them so they wouldn't be too exposed while they slept. As always, he knew the fight was only ever half done, but that didn't seem to matter so much right now. He didn't know what the future of the world should be, and just then he didn't care.

Cas felt very much the same. He knew there was much he had to atone for, much he still had to do, but as he lay in Dean's arms, he knew a few moments of peace and redemption. He was now made up of the fragile elements that composed a human body, but with Dean's love, he was immortal – undying in a way he never had been as an angel.

The world would go on spinning, go on having its problems, but none of it mattered while Castiel and Dean Winchester slept in each other's arms.

XxX

(A/N) So, yeah, there's that. What'd y'all think? Any good? Too melodramatic? Loved it, hated it, meh'd it? Let me know what ye thought.


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